h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[This room is frighteningly dull and cold. There is a small bed against one of the bland walls and on the other side of the room a desk infront of a porthole. The desk has a small lamp giving of a sickly glow & is covered in letters and papers which look very important, but in all honesty probably arent. There are a few books on a trunk, irritating books that people who aspire to have power in a mad sort of way might own, like "The Art of War". It is neat in the sort of way which makes you wonder wether its actually ever gets used]

*peeks in*
Ahhh... very nice cabin... I especially like your collection of books cadet. I hope everything is tickety-boo?

*walks in from the bridge and stands next to rimmer with his hands behind his back*

Absolumont Mr Rimmer, would you like to borrow one of my books? I have one on coping with power and dealing with idiots *raised eyebrow*

*looks blissfully unaware at jack*
Ahh... I know how that is. But I have my own copy. Thanks anyway.

You are most welcome sir. If you ever need a favor, be sure to ask me though

*smirks then turns it into a pleasant happy grin as Rimmer looks at him*

Absolutely. Well I'm off. Toodle-pinski!
*Rimmer-salute and he walks out*

[myself I'll be buggering off northwards for a while, but smoke me a kipper skipper I'll be back for breakfast in a week or so, its not exactly a a twelve-change-of-underwear trip but I'll just leave mes here plotting away when I decide to get moving ]

*returns the salute*
idiot... </>

*runs back in and slams the door*

*leans against it*

*sigh*

bloody lunatics

*knocks on door*
Come on cadet, get out of that room now or I'll have to come in for you.

*jumps* Errrrr, sorry you shouldnt come in, I've caught a terrible disease and OH god its hideous my skins falling off ARRRRRRGH I'm melting *makes pathetic melting noises* *throws water from a glass for effect*

*doesn't buy it even for a second*
I'll take my chances now let me in!

No? Well anyway you shouldnt come in because I'm involved in a hideous cult ritual involving a camel, a young women, a puppy and a bannana....... Oh come on sir, I had MOST of the medical, its just that last needle *gulp* have you SEEN the SIZE of it?? Do you know what she wanted to do with it? I'd rather not become the first human kebab! I dont even think there was a reason for it, just sheer entertainment! I'd rather attend a seminar on the future of plumbing then let her at me with that!

*bangs on the door*

May I come in please?

*jumps* I'm not opening this door! ACE wants me to have the human kebab treatment!

*Opens the door (I'm the new door technician).*

Hello Jack. Nice cabin, very cosy.

*screams* close the door close the door!

*pulls him in and closes the door behind him*

*leans against it* bloody idiot!

*now that the door is unlocked she simply pushes against it until Jack falls over*

Nice work on the door GB

Well, I wouldn't be much of a god of doors, eunuchs, and car-dealerships if I couldn't open a Featherstone Mark IV mechanical door.

No, I suppose not

*looks about in surprise*

WHAT are you doing? close the door close the door!

*pushes the door closed again and leans against it*

*looks across at GB and smeggy*

Oh what a lovely party, WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE?

*gulp* you've signed my death sentance now you know, I hope you're happy