h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So many people struggling at the moment, sorry for being another one.

The last week I have been getting increasingly down.

I saw my therapist today. She is going to look into the possiblilty of me going in to a specialist BPD centre for a while. Think there are about 2 that deal with it specifically.

We both agree a general psyche unit won't help. Probably make me feel worse as I need a very particular kind of environment.

Can't say anymore just now.

Mort

Hey there Mort. I was going to tell you not to be sorry for struggling riht now, but that's a load of crap... telling a survivor, or anyone who suffeers from depression, BPD, etc, not to be sorry for anything and everything is like asking them not to breathe.

If you do have to go into a specialist center for a while, I will miss you but I do hope it will do you some good. I'll be thinking of you and praying for the best for you, whatever that is.

No need to say any more, I know most of us here can understand, I understand at least. I'm not sure if I could be of any help, I barely know you yet, but I'm always here to listen, understand, and care. If there is anything I can do, I will.

Take care of yourself, and keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.

Hi Mort
Sounds like you have some important knowledge of yourself as far as how to get better. I think you will too.

I know it's hard to be as patient with yourself as you have been with others. Just 1/10 of it will serve you well. You are a jewel and I hope you'll treat yourself with all the kindess and compassion you have given others.

Keep in touch best you can, when you can
Take care of yourself first right now.

I've no idea what a BDP centre is, Mort - a Google Search says 'Benefits Driven Procurement' and I suspect you mean something else. Oh, BPD - bi-polar disorder - me!

Sending you a big .

Oh Mort

If you feel this might be best, then that's what you must do. But I hope they let you have access to the internet; if you explain to them that it's a major support system for you, & one that will continue to be there for you after you leave, I am sure they will be sympathetic.

Can you borrow a laptop from someone?

For me, when I was (involuntarily) in the hospital here, the worst aspect was the TOTAL isolation I felt, cut off from absolutely everything; I longed for the computer, but it wasn't allowed. But my experience was traumatic because I couldn't even speak the language, so it was very difficult to make any friends;you wouldn't have that problem.

I don't know enough about the system in UK to be able to advise really, but if you trust your therapist (which obviously you should!)then maybe give it a go. If it doesn't work out, you can always (I assume) leave, & nothing has been lost.

Is there anything specific that has triggered this? No doubt you are concerned about Spiggy, but is there anything else?

Do call me (on the mobile I'm afraid for this weekend) if you want to talk, please. I am using P's computer at the moment, mine is being stupid again, so if I don't post, it's not because i don't care!

Thinking of you,hoping, sending stuff your way. Get well soon.



Terri

Hi there mort.I hope you soon feel better,and well enough to join us again.the last few weeks have been stressful in here,and you have done a wonderful job,trying to keep everyone's spirits up.I wish you well.take care.xx

ZSF - BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder.

It is unlikely that i will be able to get a place anywhere soon, they are like gold dust. Last time we talked about it the waiting list was 3 months.

I have resigned as an ACE.

Hi Mort, I don't really know you, but I've seen you around. I don't know how I can help, except by saying I'm here and I care and I will listen ...

Hi Mort,

Would hooking in with a online BPD support group help? I know of one. Let me know if you would like my IM. I'm always willing to talk.

It seems to me that Borderline personality disorder is the label "they" pin on you when they have xhausted all other possibilities, ie: you don't fit neatly into a psychological pigeonhole.

I have been variously described as: depressive, manic-depressive, borderline schizophrenic, obsessive/compilsive,suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, histrionic....the list goes on & finally ends up with BPD (which can also stand for Bi-Polar Disorder.)

I KNOW what's "wrong" with me. I am thoroughly PI**ED OFF, with a world which can allow incredibly awful things to happen to innocent kids & then show little understanding or sympathy towards them when, as adults, they go all out in afutile search for the love they should have had many years back. This takes various forms, many of which seem to be regarded as "strange" by "normal society". Hardly bloody surprising, since "normal society" created the problem that we appear to be somewhat outside it!

Mort, it's NOT YOU, it's THEM. This is NOT being paranoid (oh yes, i forgot that label!) It is NOT fair, you are fully justified in feeling pi**ed off.

You are among friends here, Please rant & scream, we can all take it.We understand. But please don't give up, you are needed, valued & loved very much.



Terri.

Oh, Mort - you're such a good ACE - maybe rather than resigning, you should take some time out. Often there's nothing helps so much as helping other people - and you do a really good job on that score. I know how highly regarded you are among the ACEs.

Mort you were shining through this recent h2g2 crisis.
There is no better Ace on the site! Many fine ones, none better.

Can you have an Ace Leave of Absence?
I would hope you could go back to it later if you desire.

Mort, I had been reading some of your journey on your website this week and wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry that things are still so hard.

I agree with Zarquon and Abbi - can you take time off from being an ACE rather than resigning? I think I remember reading somewhere on h2 where you talked about how important becoming an ACE was to you - it sounded like it was a really good thing for *you*. I wouldn't want you to lose that.

I also agree with Zarquon about what a good ACE you are. I'm constantly impressed with your ability to post intelligently and calmly and with spirit. I don't think you should stay as an ACE if it is too much, but if it is something that is good for you is there another way you can manage this without resigning. Maybe not do so much ACE-ing for a while?


I wanted to post some things that might be helpful. Please take what is useful and ignore anything that's not, as I'm not sure whether you were wanting this kind of response in this thread.

I did some research recently about Therapuetic Communities in the UK. Here is a list of what I found. The first is an association that the others have joined. The Association one has more communities on it. I wasn't looking for BPD, so will go back and see if any are specialising in that.

Therapeutic Communities are different from psyche units in that a large emphasis is on the therapeutic value of being in relationship with other as well as more conventional means of therapy. They also tend to be more holistically based, in that they see the person with the 'illness' rather than the illness. They can offer support while people have time out to really attend to what is happening in themselves, and so that one doesn't have to do the personal work in isolation.

I think alot of times people can find the way through very difficult stuff if they are given adequate support. I agree with what Terri says - that often people are left to deal with things on their own when it is the responsibility of wider society.

I know for me that when things were really bad seeing a therapist a couple of times a week was in many ways a mixed blessings. It kept me afloat and offered acute support but it in no way was enough to really support me to do what I needed.

These communities seem to vary quite widely in approach. They all are taking clients with very difficult processes (aka psychiatric diagnoses). My favourite was Lothlorien because it is based around gardening and being in nature which has always been the most healing thing for me. The last one is in India, but I included it because what they are doing is very interesting.

I'm not saying this is what you need, rather I just wanted to offer you some options. Sometimes its good to look at things even if they don't work out because the looking opens us to other possibilities. Or maybe there will be something here that works for you .

wishing you lots of strength,
kea.


http://www.therapeuticcommunities.org/


http://www.lothlorien.tc/index.html

http://www.arbourscentre.org.uk/guests.htm

http://www.philadelphia-association.co.uk/houses.htm

http://www.retreat-hospital.org/pages/naomi5.htm

http://www.holistic-psychotherapy.iinet.net.au/index.html

Here's the list of Therapeutic Communities listed on therapeuticcommunities.org by referring need: Personality Disorder (I don't know much about BPD or the crossover with PDs in general).

http://www.therapeuticcommunities.org/diry-need.htm#Personality

*peeks in*

Nice of you to post possible options Kea.
Good point too, 2 times a week with a counselor is better than nothing in the meantime. It can be a lifeline.

*hopes & prays & "whatever other options available" that Mort is reading all this.

If you don't feel up to posting, we understand this, but so long as you know you are NOT ALONE in this. It's not much, but it may be a tiny little start.

As for ACEing, I am pretty sure there is no "set quota"; if there was, i would have had my badge removed ages ago! You are, as everyone agrees, very good at it, for you to resign would be a real loss to h2g2; but to take a break is entirely understandable. I couldn't do it at all after my "nightmare time"; only getting back into it very slowly now. But I still remember the thrill I got when I saw that nice shiny badge on my page.

Hold on, hold on. Please.

(how I wish i could give you a in person)

Terri

Went out with the SRG last night - got very and had lots of hug therapy. Helped a bit.

Thanks for the links.

to everyone.

Mort

Hi Mort. I've been thinking of you, and I hope you are feeling much better soon.

JEllen

Anyways Mort, please let us know how you're doing and we'll try to figure out a way to help out! I really would like to know more about you.