Mister President, Nebraska Is Missing! Episode 24
Created | Updated Jun 22, 2024
Mister President, Nebraska Is Missing!
Episode 24
It had taken a lot of work to explore the many alternative universes and dimensions that Deus Ex Machina's computer data had made available for Woody, but by late October he had mastered the easiest of the swapping techniques. Using this technique, two territories of exactly equal size and shape in different universes or dimensions could be swapped for each other with very little fuss. Woody had hoped to get to this point earlier, but he had a full slate of courses to keep up with. Prairie Flower had a similarly demanding course load, so it would have been unfair to give much of the burden to her.
He did, however, consult with her about picking a suitable dimension/universe for the switch. Fortunately, they agreed that Dimension 666 was ideal. It consisted almost entirely of canyons. There were no advanced lifeforms that could figure out that they were about to be sent somewhere else, and organize a resistance movement. The only other question was which territory in Woody's universe should be switched. Prairie Flower had suggested Montana, which wasn't heavily populated, nor of great strategic significance. True, there was some fracking going on to access shale oil reserves, and some mining of rare minerals Drat! Those mining companies were overseen by some sharp cookies. There might even be a VIP or two whose family or company would scream bloody murder about their disappearance. This would bring out the FBI and maybe even the CIA, and Woody's goose would be cooked. The whole point of this was to annoy the president because he was not much of a father, let alone a president. He had some powerful agencies under him, though, and his party would fight viciously against anyone who tried to weaken his reelection chances, even if those chances weren't much to write home about. Worse, Woody didn't want to be looking at serious prison time.
Nebraska, on the other hand, was a major farm state. Farmers got little respect, even if farm exports helped keep the balance of trade from being worse than it had to be. The only Nebraskan who was at all famous was Warren Buffett, a nonagenarian investor who was about as boring as tapioca pudding. True, he was one of ther wealthiest people in the world, but his wealth consisted of stocks, which would still be in this universe even if Buffett himself was temporarily in a different one. Maybe it would be better to switch Nebraska when Buffett was at his vacation home in Laguna Beach, California. In any event, Nebraska
would only be missed because of its agricultural importance; President Woodhed would surely be willing to part with one of the smaller Hawaiian islands in order to get it back. Wait, Mark Zuckerberg, head of Meta/Facebook, owned a lot of land in Kauai, so Molokai would be better. Or even one of the more obscure islands. There were so many, surely the U.S could spare one of them.
Six o'clock came, and the plan seemed to be working perfectly. President Woodhed placed his call to the satellite proxy number that "Hard Drive" had given. Woody had a microphone that slightly distorted his voice so his father wouldnt recognize him. Prairie Flower sat a few feet away, ready to be the voice of "Motherboard" once again.
"This is President Wilson Woodhed," Woodhed began when the person on the other end picked up the phone. "I am ready to negotiate for the return of Nebraska. My government has authorized me to offer you the entire island of Lanai. It will be yours in perpetuity prvoided that you return Nebraska immediately and never again make territorial demands of any kind."
Woody's heart almost stopped when he heard this. Lanai was exactly what he wanted. He had expected his father to play hardball for a while before making any concessions. Was Dad suddenly psychic? Was it a lucky guess? Uh oh, maybe the FBI and CIA really had gotten involved, and had thwarted his elaborate defenses against detection! Well, the FBI was rarely subtle. Woody looked out the window to see if any government cars were at the curb. There were none. The mini-surveillance cameras spread across campus also showed no sign that the feds were about to swarm into his dorm room. Woody glanced at Prairie Flower, who gave a nod of assent.
