h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've always wanted top be a bizarre professor, and my parents always tell me I'm acting like I'm 6.

Thinking about it seriously, it's the only career I could do.

Bit of a conversation killer on dates though, so I told my last ex I wanted to be a doctor. Well, it's true, I had wanted to study medicine, and I'm hopefully going to get a doctorate, the two are just completely unrelated. But to all those who are put off by scientists remember - Physicists do it with frequency!

Unfortently Libarians do it by the book.... Which book in another matter :P

I could make a big bang joke, but shan't...

good becuse I may had to have killed you.

*trembles*

How about physicists do it energetically? Until it Hertz?

Lol that's a splendid one! It's rather difficult to think of one for philosophers/mathematicians!!

I am sure you can intergrate with someone.... Now thats bad!

Lol that's awful! My maths teacher made that exact joke when at the end of term we were having a party in maths and I invited my non-mathematical boyfriend along... he gave us a dodgy look and said "of course, you two have only turned up to this lesson because you get turned on by integrating with each other!" Frightening!

When we split up, the same teacher made references to differentiation... oh dear!

Indeed it is. Advanced calculus in relationships never works.... Now I have to go work out a theory of infinity....

There's the extremely obvious multiply gag...

Mathematicians do it constantly/continuously/dicreetly/in fileds/in groups/in theory/to prove themselves/to the limits/with imaginary parts/with real parts/at the right angle/with cardinals (?)/as a continous function/with multiple roots.

Here's looking at euclid!

Well thats about it for this conversation. Unless anyone else has somthing to add?

Oh dear, I haven't killed it again have I?

There was a young lady called Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

Back to the drawing board.

This conversation must not be killed as that would totally contradict its original purpose of making the world a place with less conversations killed due to careless statements!

On the first day I was going out with my ex boyfriend, he told me he eats dog food!

And you split up because?

...He slept with someone else whilst drunk. He always was a bit of a swinger! I guess it reflects v badly on me that the dog food had nothing to do with the splitting up... neither did the fact that I told him I'd dump him if he didn't give up smoking. At one point he was walking down a busy street with my hand in one hand and both a dog biscuit and a fag in the other! He never did give up dog food, but he very nearly gave up smoking (or maybe cunningly pretended to) - what really annoyed me was that after sleeping with the random person, he went outside for a smoke apparently!! AARGH!

yup I can say that I find smoking a very distasteful habbit, espeacily when someone blows it in your face. It just Pisses me off. One of my girlfreinds said she dident smoke, and then to proove her stupidity went outside where I couled see her (behind sigle sided mirrored glass) and started having a fag as if it came natrally. It dident last long after that.

I'm also bemused by the mentality of 'it's my body, I can do what I like with it' in this context. While technically, yes, this is true, if you want to poison yourself, you have every right to, but you do on the other hand have absolutely no right to posion me!

When this guy told me he'd once started coughing up black tar, I told him that either he gives up as soon as possible or he's dumped. If that'd happened to me, I would have been terribly worried about my health - at the age of 17 that's just not acceptable. He never seemed to have any money simply because he spent it all on securing himself an early death, despite the fact he desperately needed to be as healthy as possible due to his particularly avid ambition to join the RAF. I never will understand how anyone could be so self destructive - the final nail was hammered into the coffin of our relationship when I discovered he'd been smoking just before his RAF tests (which he failed) even though he'd told me that he'd given up!

Yup smoking seems to be a very bad thing as far as where all concerned. What over discusting habits can you think of?

*resists urge to go into a stream of nun jokes at the mention of the word 'habit'*

Necrophilia has to be the ultimate in disgusting habits. Does anyone know anyone who does this? Yuck... Apparently it wasn't even ilegal until recently, and now it only carries a two year scentence!