h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some of my fave Blackadder put downs ....

"It is said that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that by learned discourse, he may rise above the savage, and be closer to God. Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me that I'm best."

"Leave me alone, Baldrick! If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market."

"Baldrick, I'd like to say how much our association has meant to me over the years, but as we both know, that would be a complete and utter lie. "

"To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance is just something that happened to other people, isn't it?"

'Ah - it's time for us to meet our maker - in my case God, in your case, God knows.'

(to Melchett) 'Rearrange the following words: Face, Your, Sodding, Shut.'

'Ah - His Royal Highness, The Pinhead of Wales.'

Prince Ludwig: Ah - you think you're clever, huh? Do you?
Blackadder: Well, I try not to fly in the face of public opinion.

And one from Doctor Who: The Curse of Fatal Death - not a Blackadder quote per se, but it may as well have been...

The Master: Meet the Spikes of Death! Muwahhahahahaha!

(wall spins around, and back again...)

The Doctor: Not so much the Spikes of Death, more Sofa of Reasonable Comfort.

Can't remember it fully, but it went something like this:

: Baldrick, you're fired.
: (aghast) Oh, but I've been in your family since 1532!
: So has syphilis. Now get out.

Caper Plip

'God is supposed to have made man in his own image. It would be a great shock to Christians everywhere if God looked anything like you, Baldrick.'

And another good one:
'You wouldn't know a joke if it jumped up and gave you a haircut.'

Percy: Fashion today is toward the tiny.
Blackadder: Well, in that case Percy, you have the most fashionable brain in London.

Actor: You think because we're actors, we'll sleep with anyone!
Blackadder: I think because you're actors, you're lucky to sleep with anyone.

They do say Mrs Miggins, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.

..and a few more...

'Your brain, for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit.'

'The Scarlet Pimpernel is the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD 31 'Best Disciple' competition.'

'Mrs Miggins, if we were the last three humans on earth, I'd be trying to start a family with Baldrick.'

To Baldrick
"There are tribes in south America as yet untouched by western civilization that have developed more convincing charlie chaplin impressions than yours."


Researcher PSG

Something like this:

: We have this enormously large postal order for the Scarlet Pimpernel, but we've no idea of the address to send it to!

: Well, if you send it to the 'Biggest Show-off in London' I'm sure it'll reach him directly.
---


: What was that?

: Well, if I was feeling malicious, Baldrick, I'd say it was the Prince still trying to put his trousers on after a week.
---
: Here is a large purse of money... which I'm not going to give you.

To Baldrick, about Prince George:

'He has the intellect of a jugged walrus, and all the social graces of a potty.'

baldrick surely has to win the unintentional put down for that one in blackadder goes fourth when he reveals he has been making blackadders tea using mud, spit and dandruf as they were short of all three.

i nearly made myself sick laughing over that one.

(Blackadder leaves the room for Corsica)

: Yeah, goodbye, you greasy rubber-nosed b*****d.

(Blackadder stalks back in evilly)

or what about the one hwere blackadder presneted melts**t with a bottle of 'fine wine' which he had brewed himself!

FABT