h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I recently (Easter) went to see the Cerne Giant (big chalk image in a hill of a Giant with a club and an enourmous, ummm, thingy ).

In the village of Cerne Abbas (Dorset, near Dorchester) next door was a pub which claimed to be the smallest pub in Britain.

It seems there are a few of these

So is that the Godmanston one mentioned, or a fourth challenger?

As Homer would say...



Hmmm, minus 3,000,000 points for observation, Orcus.



Anyway.

Yes, that'll be the one.

It's claim is somewhat spoilt by the 'out of picture' enormous extension next to it which could house enough people to hold the average hindu Wedding party.

Also, upon my visit, it looked suspiciously like they'd already called last orders (at a disappointing 5.30pm) when I was informed of this by what looked startlingly like the local village idiot.
I assumed that's what he said anyway as he was mostly illegible, was chewing on a piece of straw (really) and both his eyes were looking in directions other than where I was. All he was missing was a straw hat
Indeed, I was a bit surprised that he didn't immediately pull out a banjo.
This place really is in darkest Dorset - a county than can get very dark indeed

Hmm maybe I won't go visit then. I have to admit the giant chalk "hoohaa" was putting me off a bit to begin with.

Well, we went just on a quick drive out there. My brother lives in Weymouth just down the road.

There really is nothing else to do there other than go an look at the giant which, after you've read the bumf on the plaque at the viewing platform will get kind of tedious after the first 5 minutes or so.

A visit to nearby Maiden Castle however is highly recommende

They've also got several chalk horses in that area of Dorset too.

My brother loves relating the story about the 'grey' one.

What happened it that 'Challenge Aneka' (if you remember that) were challenged to 'restore' this particular horse which was already perfectly visible. They then proceeeded to put tonnes and tonnes of limestone on top of the horse which made it a gleaming white colour - nice and lovely - for a while - not anymore

It is now very very grey and can be seen, but only if you squint and are up close.

Bloody BBC

I think I remember seeing that one. Saw a couple of horses of the hillside variety on my holidays last month in Wiltshire. Not as exciting as you first think they may be. The beer was nice though.

I imagine they're about as exciting as the Cerne Giant (ie. not very much ) - minus the phallus jokes

To get back to the smallest pub. In the CAMRA good beer guide 2000 there is a pub in Southport called the Lakeside Inn which is claimed to be the smallest. It really is tiny, and sells good beer.

Did it mention the other pubs with that claim? Only CAMRA have been known to ignore a pub if it does not give them preferential treatment (according to my ex-brewer friend).

There is also a pub in Coventry called the Nursery Tavern, which used to claim to be the smallest pub, but which has since been extended.

There is also a pub on the seafront at Whitby, North Yorkshire, which is unbelievably small. Its only one tiny corner room, and as there is no room for it to be extended it seems it'll stay that way. Can't remember its name though.

I think The Star in Eccles, Salford is the smallest pub I've ever been in but I've no idea if it's still open.