h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In urban Russia's crowded trains and buses, the hapless Westerner will inevitably step on someone's foot. Be forewarned: Tradition in Russia permits the steppee to reciprocate the act by stepping on the offender's foot in a (usually, but not always) playful manner. Perhaps this helps bring a sense of balance and fairness to the oft unstable Russian world.

Also, don't be confused when someone behind you politely asks, "Are you getting off now?" (Vy vyhoditye seychas?) He or she is not planning to follow you home. In Russia, this question is the roundabout way of saying "I'M getting off now, and if you aren't, MOVE."

Finally, those who wish to avoid too much public transport stress in Russia would be advised to stick to the trains. Although they have far fewer stopping points than the surface buses and trams, they are always swifter and less crowded. This Researcher has never experienced such a claustrophobic experience as being on a tram in downtown St. Petersburg at rush hour. Without exaggeration, it can be said that the doors bulged out and some people were pressed together so tightly their feet did not need to touch the ground to remain stable.

Probably the most entertaining part of riding the public transport in Russia is the recorded announcements you will hear on the trains. The messages have not been updated since the communist era. In the St. Petersburg subway, you will feel a deep effusion of joy within your being at the words "Ostorozhno! Dvery zakryvayetsya!" (Caution! The doors are ready to slam shut on you!), exclaimed as they are in a voice full of the warmth and optimism of Soviet "progress."

I like that!
In the newer Dublin trains, an automated message system has been introduced. It just says things like 'Please mind the [foot-and-a-half-wide] gap' or 'This train will terminate at the next station'. However, when it says 'The next station is..', I invariably feel like saying 'Concourse A'. The airport in Atlanta has a short train with the exact same voice system!
The annoying voice goes with new, improved (harder, fewer) seats, light-up (harder to reach) door-open buttons, and other 'improvements'.

I'm not sure that I've ever been able to remain upright without feet, but I have certainly been able to keep my place without holding on or balancing, by virtue of all the people pressing in on me. There is no standard phrase for 'Move! I need to get off here!' I wish there were.

Yess, indeedy

One of the nice things about ettiquette on Russian public transport systems, though, is the alacrity with which people stand up for the elderly and the infim. Unless, of course, the bus, tram, train etc etc is packed to the brim...

My Mum came to visit me in Moscow. She walks with a very bad limp and a stick. Every time we got on any kind of public transport someone gave up their seat for her. One time, we got on a bus and the press of people meant that nobody noticed her for a stop. Then a few people got off, and mother was revealed, whereupon one chap shot out of his seat crying "Lady with a stick!" They whole bus took up the shout and not less than five other people immediately ctapulted themselves into an upright position and vyed for the honnor of getting her to sit in their seat. My mother went down fighting to convey the fact that, really, she was in fact getting off at the next stop and it wasn't necessary....

Anyway, the coda is that Mum was shocked: she couldn't remember the last time that anyone on British public transport had offered up their seat for her. Although if I were being spiteful, I'd say that the public transport system in Britain is so bad that so few people use it that there is never a shortage of empty seats...

Oh yes, I forgot: on buses, trams and trolleybusses, one is expected to stamp one's ticket before the buss etc has gone one stop. You can buy tickets from the bus (etc) driver (when the buss (etc) is stopped), however what usually happens (because of the number of people and because you don't pay as you get on. In fact, you don't usually get on anywhere near the driver at all) is that you pass the money to the person next to you, and they pass it along right down to the person next to the bus (etc) driver, who buys the ticket. Your ticket then gets passed back to you.

However, although some busses (etc) have conductors, who sell you tickets, in fact there isn't a lot of incentive to buy a ticket at all. Very occassionally an inspector will get on: no ticket and the fine is 10 rubles (tickets cost, ummm, four or five? You can tell how often I buy them...), which frankly...

I'm impressed by your point about giving up seats. There *is* competition for seating here, and there is no longer a pattern of sacrifice. A pregnant woman got on one morning, and I (female) was the only one to stand. This wasn't always true in Ireland.
BTW, the new seats make it harder to give yours up (or to get off), being closer together. Your fellow sitters get squashed. Just in case anyone from the Department of Transport reads this..

The 'pattern of sacrifice' (I like that!) is enforced by the elderly women themselves who will scold you at length if they stand in front of you and you don't get up. The entire carriage/bus etc will probably join in too, especially if you are a young male.

I think a lot of Russian people would say that it happens less often than it used to though.

to the seats: that's bad planning...