You may have got here from the Dog House link. If so welcome to our repository of Canine knowledge. Feel free to browse.

Special thanks to So Long and Thanks For Laughing - The H2G2 Joke Directory for use of some of their material in this entry.

Dog House Rules

1. No Cats allowed.
2. No scent marking on the furniture.
3. No Cats allowed.
4. No licking of the nether regions whilst on club duty.
5. No Cats allowed.
6. Everything belongs to me (see Dog Property Laws below).
7. No Cats allowed.
8. We vow to fight the Cat Menace on H2G2.
9. No Cats allowed.

Useful Dog Links

• There are stories about Dogs in H2G2. See the story of Gelert, the story about the Oddest Dog you're ever likely to hear about and Peregrins Dog and Bone Fable.
• If you own a dog you might appreciate the Dog Rules.
• If you have a Nodding Dog in your car you might like to visit here
• If you like Sheepdogs have a go at this handy Spot the Dog game
• For a general discourse on things dog-like visit here

Dog Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Dog Comparisons

Why Dogs And Men Are Both Alike

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

Why Dogs Are Better Than Men

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Why A Dog Is Better Than A Woman

1. A dog's parents will never visit you.
2. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
3. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
4. A dog never expects you to telephone.
5. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
6. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
7. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
8. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
9. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
10. A dog does not shop.

Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

1. We just are OK - if you don't know why you shouldn't ask.

Things That You Can Learn From Dogs

1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.