h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If I need two or more to form a queue and I have two people standing next to each other, queueing for 2 different reasons, the question arises:
Do I have two queues, one queue or no queues?
I am confused - can anyone assist?

Qurious.

As George Mikes pointed out, a Briton finding himself alone will form an orderly queue of one.

So I have 2 queues, each with one orderly participant.

Absolutely.

Thank you, kind fellow humans.
You Britons have strange habits (forming queues of one person?)
OK, I give up and accept.
It's like cricket - you have to be 'in' to go out onto the field, and you stay there until you are 'out' in which case you come in again.
That's life!

We Britons have to have strange habits to mystify the rest of the world and give the impression that there is actually something interesting about us, otherwise everyone would realise that in fact all we do is stand in lines and discuss the weather. Think this is just a stereotype? Come and stand at my local bus stop, it's fascinating!

Aren't South African's partial to cricket? Your team always seems to beat us... well, ok, most teams always seem to beat us but don't rub it in

Partial to cricket ol' boy? Rather!
Out here we have great cricket - sun, smoking braai (i.e. barbeque)fires and lovely ladies with tiny bikini tops on!
Cold lagers, 'boerewors' rolls ( that's a hot dog with a thick spicy beef sausage instead of a skinny Vienna) and loud spectators - great stuff! Seem that the only time we seemed to lose was when our (ex)captain was playing for the other team - and that's not cricket!
(The Ozzies do sometimes show us up on a bad-hair day though.)
Owzat?!

we have panama hats and umbrellas and a boisterous rendition of "God Save The Queen" Rather have a warm than a cold lager but then I guess that's coz I'm British. Could put my bikini on but it's b***dy cold and I'm afraid of getting frostbite

Warm lager? Bear in mind that sunny SA has WINTER daytime temperatures of 25C+ and that beer off the shelf could reach 20C with ease - we chill most refeshments out here - even our red wine!
Night games can be a real rave and much cooler without the sun!


PS: How on earth do I get smileys into these messages?
Frustrated by failure.

not warm lager, warm ale. Real ale should be drank at room temperature so you can appreciate the flavour. If you chill it, it's horrible.

We had summer temperatures of 30 oC. I wasn't keen on that myself, far too hot. The problem is that is was a very sticky heat, not a dry one. One of the students from Zimbabwe was complaining about it. She said that even though it got hotter in her home country it wasn't so stuffy and sticky and so was much nicer. Being British though, I have now settled in to complaining about the cold once more Do you have mulled wine in South Africa?

The smiley code list is at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/smiley All you have to do is type the code in conversations, eg. < ale > (without the spaces) makes Also, if you click on a smiley it will take you to its code Hope that helps.

1 000 pardons! We don't get real ale out here much!

Mulled wine? On a winters evening in the colder regions of the eastern escarpment, local mulled wine in front of a blazing fire - Oh the romance...! Our mountain regions can get bitterly cold in winter and the country of Lesotho (see guide entries elsewhere) lowest point is higher that any other country's lowest point. Go there for a weekend and you can get snowed in for a fortnight if you're lucky!


In September I was up at the most northern part of SA and the temperature was 38C - but it is dry heat. Upington in the Northern Cape often goes over 40C and the locals don't even bat an eyelid! Many years back I was in Lorenco Marques (now Maputo) Mocambique and walked into a sauna in the Polana Hotel - the thermometer read 96C and by the time I turned and walked out, I was drenched in perspiration!

It's wierd having Christmas in mid-summer, but we're all standing on our heads in the southern hemisphere, aren't we?

Brr. It's cold here now. It's been frosty today and there's been a damp mist all day. (see, now you're getting into a fine English tradition, already we are discussing the weather ) I went up the high street earlier to get a newspaper. It had already got dark and as the high street has very few shops and very few shoppers I wasn't expecting anyone to be about. Instead, the whole road had been shut off and traffic diverted and a Christmas market was in full swing. It was lovely. There was a fun fair and stalls selling hot doughnuts and mulled wines, there were stalls from local businesses and farms, stalls from our twin towns in France and Germany and stalls for charities. The whole road was lit up. It really made me feel festive and I was able to buy some misletoe which I now have up in my flat Luckily I was able to carry it home in a bag, I didn't want to be propositioned on the way back I was bundled up snugly in layers of clothing and had my scarf tied tightly around my neck and a terrible wooly hat on my head

You are all upside down down there. I was talking to a South African doctor a couple of weeks ago and he was missing the warm weather and getting all nostalgic about Christmas in SA. He said that although Xmas is spent on the beach and it's gorgeously warm, Xmas cards still have snow scenes and robins on them

Let us not forget those who think they are exempt from queueing.
those known as the elderly, especially elderly women. I, and most people would be happy to let an elderly person in at the front of a bus, or other, queue. however, when they barge to the front, assuming that their advancement in years means they dont have to queue i take great offence. I employ the previously talked of methods of arm-crossing and tutting, but show mercy and do not employ the elbows.

One thing really gets my goat. I prefer my personal space at around arms length in front. When I queue, I dont rub up against the person in front, why do the persons behind you in the queue always seem to be so close that their breath warm the back of your neck?

2nd gripe - when I do stand at arms length, a twit will come and try to squeeze in behind the person in front of me (i.e. between us). When I say: 'Excuse me' the reply is always: 'Oh I am sorry, are you in this queue too?' Of late, I have taken to placing my briefcase or togbag ahead of me to 'claim my space'.

The bus I catch is full of older ladies trying to queue jump and making full use of their armfulls of shopping bags and even those case things on wheels. I have learnt a cunning trick though. With a winning smile and a sound knowledge of old lady banter I befriend an old lady before the bus arrives and then once she has fought her way to the front of the queue she finds a seat on the bus and puts her wheeled trolley on the adjoining one, then when I embark she moves it so I can sit down

You wicked woman you! Whatever works, works wonders.
I Q'd with the family for tickets to watch Harry Potter on Thursday.
I loved it - hadn't seen a movie in years! This week it's 'Lord of the Rings'. Oh the joys of being a kid - no matter what age!
To you and yours from me and mine:
Happy Holidays! May the best of 2001 be the worst of 2002.

The best of the season to you too and best wishes for a happy, prosperous and peaceful new year. Have fun and enjoy being a big kid

I'm back at work again. Enjoyed Harry Potter immensely and Lord of the Rings too - can't wait for the rest of the trilogy! H2G2 didnt recognise me this year and I had to do the whole login bit again ( forgot my login name!). But I'm back at last and I start practicing again with the band tomorrow night A new year, new songs on the playlist and gigs to book.
Havagoodyear!

Happy new year Back to work Poor you. I return to college on Thursday. I should be writing the essays due in on Monday but haven't quite got around to them yet. Every term I promise myself I won't leave them until the last minute but I always do. I've got a job interview tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

h2g2 didn't recognise you? Do you log in from work? Maybe they delete all their cookies over the break. Not that I know anything about computers or networking.

What new songs are on the playlist and have you got any good gigs booked yet?

I think that I deleted the cookies file when I did a clean-up on the laptop. If you think that you can take a peek as risque sites without anyone knowing it, your cookies will tell all! All is OK now and this morning I was recognised again. I always log in from work as my home link is slower than a snail with a cleft stick (How about a snail smiley for antiquated type computers?)

We practice tonight and the boys will wrestle with the problem of a playlist - it currently runs at about 75 numbers so I won't write them here. I'm proposing a medley of Beatles numbers off the "One" CD, some older Bob Dylan numbers like "All along the watchtower", "Just like a woman" and others. I'm looking for a site which can give me the top ten charts for every year since 1960. Know of one?

Must I'm writing a policy document for a Provincial Job Creation Strategy due tomorrow .