h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had to send you this - received by e-mail:
PARIRENYATWA HOSPITAL, HARARE - PATIENT CARDS

Actual written comments on Parirenyatwa Hospital patient cards:
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Chinembiri, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. The patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Good luck in getting the job, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed

I'm not really a party person, I only went because I felt I ought to. Your son's girlfriend's party sounds much nicer. It's great for everyone to be able to sit down, chat and enjoy themselves. I looking forward to Easter because my Grandad will be 80 and we are having a big party (about 80 people). The whole family hasn't got together for years. The last time was probably at my cousins Christening and she is now in her second year at uni. It will seem strange because a lot of the older members of the family have now died but it was also be lovely because there is a new generation. My extended family was always very close when I was younger and I miss that now.

Thanks for the e-mail you forwarded, it really made me laugh out loud I particularly liked the way to check the size of someone's thyroid indeed

College should be interesting tomorrow, we have a lecture on healing touch and massage (including a practical). The article I was instructed to read before-hand was all about re-aligning energy fields. I'm not entirely sure how far I agree with everything I'm being taught but I have an open mind and even if I don't believe all of it, others do and so it's useful for me to know. I'll let you know how it goes, I'm sure we'll have quite a giggle, massaging each others' hands and faces.

All touchy-feely fondling? Say no more!
Perhaps you can ask the teacher a question - If I scratch my right hand in the web between my ring finger and "pinkie", why does my nose suddenly itch intensely?

PS - I've used the URL relaxation to post our bike club address on my homepage. Search the site and you'll find me on the committee and elsewhere on pics of sundry runs.

I found out today that I passed my last lot of essays

Your nose itches when you scratch between your ring finger and pinkie? hmm, didn't have that effect on me (I just tried it ). My nose always itches the moment I put rubber gloves on.

URL's on your personal space are usually OK (as long as the site linked to doesn't break house rules and the link isn't broken). The new month trial allows us to put URLs in postings I've had a look at the bike club site. Which photo is yours? I've looked on the committee page, how many down are you? You're going to have to wait a little longer to see photos of me as they've not been put up yet, but there are plenty of me at the meet and they should be up soon. I'll let you know where and when. You'll know me, I'm the one with the rosy cheeks, it's easy to spot when I've been drinking

On the bike club site, select THE CLUB button, then COMITTEE and I'm the ugly bearded bloke in the post of Treasurer - not a flattering photo!

How does one put photos on one's Personal Space? I may just want to inlay one of me + Candy if I can find one that's not too off-putting!

WR

Found you What's so bad about the photo? I'm not sure about putting photos on personal spaces (or even if it's possible) but I'll find out. There are finally photos of me online at http://www.fotango.com/cgi-bin/public_gallery_item.cgi?id=110101&key=& I'm the one precariously balanced on another researcher's shoulders (just in case you were unsure) and this was before we settled down for an evening of

I signed up today for a workshop day of group drumming I'm really looking forward to it now, I've never done it before. One of my lecturers persuaded me, she's going too.

ICU2 An English with gleeful grin!
It's nice to put a face to the e-presence!

Go for the group drumming thing! It is very exciting, stress-relieving and very African! A couple of years ago, a group of SA models were in Nice, France for some International modelling contest. The beauties did a group drumming thing on the beach with lots of other participants and it drove the crowds WILD . I find drumming hypnotic, entrancing and meditative. When you add some good bass guitar riffs to it, it just expands the rhythm to new heights - it's great stuff! ENJOY ! !

I'm glad the photo was taken at that moment and not a second later when I fell backwards and was supported from behind by another researcher. It was not the most dignified position to be in on King's Cross station

The more I talk to people the more excited I'm getting about this drumming day. I didn't realise either, just how many people use drumming for relaxation. It's a pity that the local group in my town had to stop as the community centre closed to be knocked down I used to love participating in music but haven't had the opportunity in the last few years. I really miss it. I went along to one choir practice at my college but it was awful so I didn't bother going back. I'm going to have to find a local music teacher and have those saxophone lessons I've always wanted. I've had the saxophone for years, I should do something with it.

I've asked about putting photos on personal spaces and unfortunately it's not possible. What you can do though, is put a link on your personal space to photos you have elsewhere.

Thanx. I have seen graphics on other homepages and wondered...
I've been rather scarce this past week. I was in Cape town on a hospital viewing visit Monday and Tuesday and at workshops the rest of the week.

Fortunately I was not on a sleepover on the 14th or my would NOT have been amused. We had a very romantic dinner for two at a very P-O-S-H local restaurant (where I was ripped off!) and home for more romance. It's been years since we had a whole evening just to ourselves - we could hardly contain ourselves until the bedroom! .

By SA standards the dinner was BLOODY expensive - One shared salad, two Fried Sole specials and a shared sweet, one bottle of local white wine and a 750ml bottle of local mineral water - all for R369 - about 25 Pounds. But when you only earn a thousand pounds a month, it's a lot!

We had a great double header on 16th/17th. Sunday we played for a brunch at the Rand Hunt Club - one of the vestiges of privilege in SA - they have been going since 1880 and the hounds are a separate registered breed! (I see Scotland have banned the sport! - Rah-Rah for the fox liberation movement!) Toffey-nosed bunch, but they pay well. They already want to book us for their Autumn Ball
Talk to you again!
WR

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I've been a bit under the weather this week and haven't been around much. I've also been really tired as I've tried to fit so much in. I started working as a health care assistant at the hospital this week and I'd forgotten how tiring it can be. Waiting for at bus stops and spending over an hour travelling there and back again is also a chore.

It made me smile to think of being able to buy a meal for only £25. A cheap restaurant may be £15 for 3 courses. Bottles of wine start from about £10 though. My family all went out a couple of weekends ago and for interest I looked at the wine menu. The wines are nothing special but they were £3-50 a glass! Alcohol is very expensive in England though. So is mineral water.

Erg, country clubs. They're not just toffee-nosed they're also really clique and unwelcoming to any outsiders.

I'm not sure what's happened to the seasons over here. It was very spring-like. The daffodils are all in bloom, blossom coming to the trees, lambs being born. The weather had warmed up and the sun come out. I know none of this should be happening yet but I had got used to it. I was rather relieved too as I don't have central heating and my electric heater costs a lot to run. Then yesterday it snowed. Now I'm absoutely freezing. I've made a nice big, stodgy casserole though so that should warm me up I've just got to be patient while it cooks.

I wondered if you had shut me off and were ignoring me - glad you weren't and are well again!

How the cost of living differs on the two sides of this conversation!
Last night the and I dined out (again!) and it cost me ten pounds. A local beer at a pub here will cost you R6 and an imported one about R12. I think we buy English (canned) beer cheaper here than you do there! A 750ml bottle of J+B whisky (my favorite tipple) has just rocketed from R72 per bottle to R94 - but you can still find stock at the old price if you look! Just divide by 16 to convert to Pounds. I can't find the ASCII code for pounds - and my American-made laptop only has dollar signs.

The toffy-noses weren't unfriendly to us at all - and they certainly let the hair down at times with some very risgue dancing going on under the trees by the pond. I wish I could attach a pic or two!
We play a gig on the 2nd again and hopefully it goes well. We are putting together a two-week tour of the southern coastal regions in September which chould be a blast . It's in school term so I'll have to go alone, but says it's OK if I go alone - I really love that lady!

I cooked supper tonight - a (delicious) lamb stew with four types of dry beans and green beans just for colour. There was enough left over for me to take to work on Tuesday, when I stay late before going to band practice. I also made a "potjie" ( a little pot) of beef with tomato for later in the week. I do a lot of cooking during weekends and freeze for later in the week so that my gets a bit of a break. I use a crock-cooker after browning the meat and s-l-o-w-l-y cook the meat for about ten hours and it comes out completely tender - YUMMY! Enjoy your casserole as I listen to and old Fleetwood Mac CD - "Man of the world" now playing. We're adding material to the playlist - I've also got a Procol Harum and Rare Earth to listen to tonight before I go to bed. C U soon! Goodnight!

> I wondered if you had shut me off and were ignoring me

Your photo wasn't that frightening

My favourite costs £2-20 a pint, that's an average price for most drinks. I'm not surprised you can buy English beer cheaper than we can, most of the price of ours is tax. I think many of our smaller breweries have been taken over because they get little of the profit. Sadly it has closed now, but near me there used to be a very small brewery that sold cheaper beer as it found a very novel way to get around the licensing laws. You used to pay to go to the brewery and brew your own because if you made it yourself you weren't taxed I think it also meant that you could mix your own flavours.

Reading about your toffee-noses dancing made me laugh, it also reminded me of the time I worked behind the bar at a conference for psychiatrists and psychologists. Watching them getting drunk, giving themselves away with their body language and then prancing around the dance floor was great entertainment

10 hours cooking time I thought the 3 1/2 - 4hrs for my casserole was a long time. It was worth it though and as I always cook enough to feed a family when there's only one of me, I've enough for today and I've put some in the freezer. The dumplings were lovely and stodgy too I enjoy cooking (and eating it) but it's so time consuming that I don't as often as I'd like.

Your wife certainly is an Make sure you give he a huge !!!

I'm sitting here eating warmed up lamb-and-five-bean stew waiting for band practice. I see you are currently on line, but I wouldn't know where to catch up with you so I'll just ramble on. (Hey! Led Zepplin did Ramble On in 60-something!)

I happened to mention our band tour in September to a bike mate from another club and they now want to book us for their annual gathering in August - cor, it doesn't half rain gig bookings at the moment!

Ten hours of cooking - not really. I just leave it overnight in the earthen crock-pot on the low setting, or during the day I go shopping or whatever with the family. I read somewhere that the muscle fibres are held together by a gelatinous substance that breaks down at temperatures below 100C but hardens and contracts at higher temperatures - hence long-and-low on the stove. It's delicious!

Did you know that "See you again" in the the southern suburbs of Johannesburg is pronounced "Check-you-china!"

I guess gigs are like buses: wait ages and then 3 turn up at once.

'Check-you-china' makes some kind of sense to me. English slang uses 'check' for 'look' which can be associated with 'see' and 'china' is slang for 'mate', ie. china plate = mate so I would probable translate the phrase as 'seeya mate'. Probably wide off the mark though.

please excuse me but I'm really slowing up and am planning on an early night tonight. My brain isn't quite in gear and I'm having trouble typing. I'll wear my backspace out one of these days. I'll try and write a vaguely intelligent posting at the weekend. Hope everything's still going well.

Hullohowzit?
(Another SA colloquialism)
You were spot on there on the check-you-china, but those who say it would never know!

Played a good gig Saturday except for one song where I start of with a funky bass riff leading into a great blues harmonica solo. The harmonica is tuned to E and I started the song in A! No solo and everyone had to transpose chords on the fly!! I got some most odd looks and it cost me a round of Amstel's!!

Joke from the gig for the girls:
Husband: "Darling, we are really getting into a rut - do you think that just for tonight we can swap positions?
Wife: "OK Dear, you can stand at the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch in front of the TV and f-rt!"

Hello?
Is there anybody out there?
One bad joke and I've died......
Oh well......

Sorry, I've been away from h2g2 for about a fortnight. Pesky RL has an annoying habit of getting in the way.

Loved the joke And one for you:

- How many men does it take to paper the living room?
- It depends how thinly you slice them

I did the rhythmic group drumming on Saturday. It was fantastic. The day just seemed to fly by. I think I overdid it though. I found I was so into it that I was using my whole body. I felt fine Sunday but woke up yesterday morning with a very bad back. Thankfully it's muscular pain but I've had to have two days off placement and while sister sounded sympathetic yesterday she didn't sound so pleased when I phoned her today. The rest and anti-inflammatories seem to be doing the trick though and I'll be back in the hospital tomorrow although I won't be overdoing it.

Hope the next gig goes better, it could cost you a lot in drinks otherwise

Oh dear, my turn to kill the conversation with a bad joke. I thought it was quite funny How are you?

Hurray - I live again!
I'm well and back at work, tanned and refreshed. .
(Do have a peep at my space for a journal entry - rather philosophical)
I'm on diet (cholestrol high and insulin resistance) but I'm slowly getting into it.
Glad to hear from you again!
My is well and the kids too!
I'm really out of practice on this!!