Queuing is a time honoured English tradition, a well-practised art and a guaranteed stumbling block for the uninitiated. This entry is a brief guide to some of the many different types of queues that exist and the unwritten rules that surround them.

1. The Common or Simple Queue

This is the most basic of all queues and consists of two or more people standing behind or beside each other in a line. This is the best place to start for those wishing to learn the rules of queuing and the visitor to England will find many such lines to join where they can practice this ancient and fulfilling pastime.

There are, however, many more complex queues that may be encountered during an average day in England. Outlined below are some of the more tricky queues that might be experienced.

2. The Maze Queue

This is most commonly seen in larger banks and post offices and looks similar to the type of queuing system used for rides in theme parks. In previous decades, queues at post offices would require a separate line for each counter (the one you were in would always move the slowest and a great way to pass the time was to skip from one line to the next in the vain hope of being served quicker) but modern times require modern queuing systems. Queuers stand in single file around zigzags of rope fencing and the person at the front of the queue goes to the next available cashier. There are many benefits to this type of queue: a large mass of people can be crowded into one place while remaining in an orderly queue when previously the same queue would have stretched out of the door and half way down the high street, the rope fencing provides bored children with something to swing on in the manner of chimpanzees at the local zoo, and it is much easier to have a really good nose at all the other queuers in the room.

3. The Electronic Queue

This truly is a queue for a modern electronic age. It is the type of queue that is common at the cheese counter in supermarkets and involves the queuers taking a numbered ticket and then waiting for the number to be displayed on a screen.

4. The Queuer Initiated System

This queue is an amalgamation of the first two queue types and occurs when no formal queuing system is in place. Places this type of queue may be found include, smaller banks that do not have an organised Maze Queue and railway stations. This type of queue is formed automatically and without prompting by queuers and may cause some trouble for those unaware of its rules. One long single line is instinctively formed by the queuers, the front person of each line proceeds to the next available cashier.

5. The Concealed Queue

At first glance this queue does not look like a queue at all. It is a queue for the more experienced and confident queuer and should be avoided by the beginner unless accompanied by a skilled practitioner. This type of queue occurs in any situation when there are two or more people waiting for something but no formal queuing system in place and no room to form a line. To the casual observer the situation may look like a group of people standing around, but these queuers are experts and are led by an instinct or sixth sense. Intuitively each member of the waiting group knows who is next in the queue and one by one each takes his/her turn.

6. The Telephone Queue

This form of queue is the product of a modern age and unlike the previous queuing types mentioned, is not a place the English like to be stuck. This queue has an almost metaphysical quality as queuers are unaware of each other's presence or their place in the queue. While being held in this type of queue a form of aural torture known as Muzac is usually played, this is interspersed with polite messages reminding the person on hold that their call is in a queue but will be dealt with as soon as someone is available.

Queue Rage

One of the side effects of novice queuers barging into an established queue at the wrong point or, heaven forbid, _jumping_ the queue is queue rage. This is characterised by loud tutting and meaningful glares, sometimes accompanied by ostentatious arm-folding and foot-tapping. The symptoms may worsen if the miscreant remains unaware of their actions, or worse still, appears blatantly unrepentant. A sufferer of queue rage may experience feelings of high-level irritation for several hours after the event in the most acute cases. This is a little recognised syndrome, and is prevalent mainly in the UK. - Angelfeet

There are many types of queues and many situations when they may occur. It is possible that even the most experienced practitioner may occassionally breach queuing ettiquette but do not let this put you off trying this pastime for yourself. If an accidental faux pas does occur just spend the rest of your time in the queue apologising profusely and blushing humbly, not only will this resolve any problems but also show everyone else in the queue that you truly are a sporting queuer.