Test Answers

Some students must think that, if you don't know an answer, you might get some marks by making the poor examiners smile.

English

• Define the word 'monotony.'
  
  Monotony is being married to the same person all your life.
• Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
  meaning.
  
  Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
• What does the word 'benign' mean?
  
  Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
• What is the correct use of a semi-colon?
  
  Only to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial removal of
  the intestines.

R.E.

• Who did not welcome the return of the prodigal son?
  
  The fatted calf.

Technology

• What is a turbine?
  
  Something an Arab wears on his head.

Geography

• Name the four seasons.
  
  Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
• What is the equator?
  
  A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
• Name a greenhouse gas. What could be done to decrease global warming?
  
  Cows make large amounts of methane when they fart. This could be
  reduced by fitting them with catalytic converters.
• How is dew formed?
  
  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
• What is a planet?
  
  A body of earth surrounded by sky.
• What causes the tides in the oceans?
  
  The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends
  to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
  nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
• What is a fossil?
  
  A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
  is.

Biology

• What happens to your body as you age?
  
  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
• Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
  
  Premature death.
• How can you delay milk turning sour?
  
  Keep it in the cow.
• How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen.)
  
  The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and
  the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
  contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
  five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
• Briefly describe the skeleton and its function in the body.
  
  The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and
  the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is
  something to hitch the meat onto.
• What is the Fibula?
  
  A small lie.
• Where are the Tibia?
  
  They live in a country in North Africa.
• What does 'varicose' mean?
  
  Nearby.
• Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section'.
  
  The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
• What is the alimentary canal?
  
  The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

• What is a coma?
  
  A coma is a punctual mark a bit like a period or full stop.
• What is a seizure?
  
  A Roman emperor.
• What is a terminal illness?
  
  When you are sick at the airport.
• Name the types of teeth in an adult human. How many are there of
  each?
  
  A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two
  molars and eight cuspidors.
• What is a social node?
  
  A friend you have known for a very long time.
• What is artificial respiration commonly known as?
  
  The kiss of death.
• What should you do with someone you have found unconscious in the
  water?
  1. Lay them on their backs and give them artificial insemination.
  2. Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial
     perspiration.
• How can you help someone who has fainted?
  1. Rub the person's chest or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the
     hand instead.
  2. Put its head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
• What are steroids?
  
  Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
• What should be done if someone has been bitten by a dog?
  
  Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill
  it.
• What has to be established before giving a blood transfusion?
  
  If the blood is affirmative or negative.
• What is an enema?
  
  Someone who is not your friend.
• Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
  
  Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like
  umbrellas.
• What is rhubarb?
  
  A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
• Describe how flowers are most commonly fertilized.
  1. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
  2. Germination is the process of becoming a German.
  3. Fertilization is the fussing of the male with the female garments.

Psychology

• What is a morbid state?
  
  A stage in a take-over, when a bigger offer is made.

Chemistry

• A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it
  can hold.

Physics

• What is momentum?
  
  What you give a body when they are going away.
• What is a vacuum?
  
  A large empty space where the pope lives.