Schools And Education
Created | Updated Dec 26, 2009
Back To So Long, And Thanks For Laughing
Things Homeschooling Mums Don't Want To Hear
"My science project got loose in the kitchen!"
"I can't find a pencil!"
"But naps are for *little* kids!"
"I found that bunch of videos you thought you took back to the library last month!"
"Wait, mom -- that's not your toothbrush, that's my guinea pig's grooming brush."
"Grandma wants to know when I'm gonna get to go to *real* school!"
"Hello? Oh, she's in the bathroom. Well, let me see if the cord will reach...."
"Mommy, why is my goldfish swimming on his back?"
"Bobby's mom always takes them to McDonald's after they finish their lessons."
Things Homeschooled Kids Don't Want To Hear
"Just wait until your father gets home!"
"Well, maybe we ought to send you back to school if you feel that way about it."
"If you're bored, I've got some chores for you."
"I'm only doing this for your own good."
"Someday you'll thank me for this."
My Mother Taught Me
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home!"
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you. Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, you're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me about ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold."
My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father!"
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me about the FOOD GROUPS -
"If you put one foot outside that door, you're not getting any home-made bread."
My mother taught me CONTORTIONS -
"Have you seen the dirt
on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me to STAND FIRM -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"Looks as if a tornado
swept through your room."
My mother taught me PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"What if I yelled because I saw a meteor coming down toward you; would you
jump then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you
once I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you
into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR PROGRAMMING -
"Stop
acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less
fortunate children who don't have have parents like you!"
My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll
give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE WHAT I HAVE -
"It's
better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If
you're going to kill each other off, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that
will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't
straighten up, I'm going to knock you to the middle
of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's
why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear
clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat
your supper!"
My mother taught me LOVE -
"You know that whatever
happens, I'll always stand behind you."
Teaching maths...
Teaching Maths in 1950s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Maths in 1960s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his
profit?
Teaching Maths in 1980s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 & his profit is $20.
Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.
Teaching Maths in 1990s:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds & squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
| So Long, And Thanks For Laughing |
