h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I was a kid I used to live on cheese-on-toast. Then I went to work in Paris for a while and discovered croque monsieur. Which is French-cheese-on-French-toast but they also put some French ham (er, jambon) between the cheese and the toast. I sang its praises to my family when I returned. Then I went to work in Milan. Man, the pizzas there are everything that your non-Italian Pizza Hovel stuff isn't. Melt in your mouth, crisp oven-baked base. I sang more praises when I returned. At which point my dad noted that I was basically travelling round Europe living on cheese-on-toast. Fair point.

My personal favourite variation is as follows:

Toast one side of a slice of bread under the grill.
Butter the other side, then spread on a heaped teaspoon of mild curry paste, plenty of peanut butter and a heap of nice thick slices of mature cheddar cheese.
Grill until golden brown and bubbling (the grill is usually flaming hot by the time you've done all that spreading so you can watch the cheese melt very quickly).
Spread with tomato ketchup and munch.

If you haven't got those ingredients (how can that be?) then a large splash of Worcestershire Sauce is almost as satisfying. In fact, the famous company that makes said sauce has a TV ad at the moment which just shows some cheese-on-toast with W Sauce on it. It's about the most effective and memorable ad ever. I may be biased though.

I'm afraid that I must disagree with your over-zealous recipie for cheese-on-toast. Surely the title gives it away as to what the ingredients should be.

You are making cheap pizza.

For true cheese on toast please observe the following rules

1. Turn on the grill
2. Put Two pieces of bread into one slot of a toaster at a low level.
3. Cut the cheese, quite thick but consistently so.
4. When the toaster has pinged seperate the two pieces and apply the cheese to the raw toast (or hot bread - ie the bit that isn't toasted.)
5. Place under the grill and make it softened by bombarding with heat - but not to bubbly or golden brown stage.
6. [OPTIONAL] Apply pepper and [NOT OPTIONAL] eat.
7. Turn off grill.

Fair comment, but that's just classic cheese-on-toast. I was describing a personal favourite (and wholeheartedly over-zealous) variation. I have no problem with making pizza on the cheap (that was the whole gist of my original post) but I'm not sure that curry paste and peanut butter are particularly common pizza ingredients are they? Well, not in Italy anyway. You can always stick an olive on top for that genuine cheap pizza taste.

My flatmate has an electronic recipie book which includes this one for Welsh Rarebit (AKA cheese on toast)

Ingredients:
125g grated cheese
One slice toast
1/2 teaspoon mustard powder
Dash of worchestershire sauce
Milk

(1) Mix the cheese and sauce with a pinch of salt and pepper
(2) Add enough milk to make a spreadable taste
(3) Spread liberally on toast and grill for a few minutes

I noticed that none of the three steps involves the mustard powder. Maybe it's just there so you can say you did something with the mustard powder that's been sitting in the cupboard for six months.

Any idea how to make cheese or spam on toast without a grill? I'm soon to move into a university hall where there are no grills, only toasters. Will I have to survive on toasted cheese and spam sandwiches (assuming somebody brings a sandwich toaster) and microwave pizza?

Not sure about the no-grill problem. Tough luck.
But I do have a point - How can you be forgetting the oregano? One of the most important components of any good cheese on toast, totally ignored.