h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Guernsey - A9685164
Author: Fruitylicious Opti- I prefer to start entries rather than finish them - U231227

I believe this needed a bit of tidying up.

The commentary about culture reads like damning with faint praise, and the 'least scintillating' and museum additions you have done all could be considered defamatory and are in any case contrary to house style when writing about locations. You will need to change these.

"for which we had" and "I believe"->First person is also an Edited Guide no-no, so you will need to rewrite this portion. It's not clear why this isn't added to the occupation section, or why the occupation section simply isn't added to the history section.

Liberation->Liberation. (that is, with a full-stop)

Barstools have wheels (!) or does one plan to get splinters? I don't understand this.

ok so it needs a read through

Is this a combination of the previous two Edited Entries? It would be a good idea to explain here exactly what you have done in the update. I find the introductory part totally over-the-top, for example: it seems to be from the 1999 entry, but I think one of the advantages of updating is that you can drop that sort of thing.

Azara

Yep its a combination should have made that clearer

I like how you have signed off with a its very pretty next to your name

Just bouncing this back up to see if it's still being worked on. There did seem to be some confusion as to what had changed...

the Company-Director-for-hire business --> the 'Company Director for hire' business

According to the Style Guide, long strings of words joined by hyphens should be avoided because they disturb the flow of text and cause strange wraparound effects.

what will happen now?

Do we have a consensus that this is ready now?

I don't think so. Why has Opti removed stuff from the original entry, and moved things around so that they are no longer in the correct place?

Opti,

As far as I can see, this is a combination of A167609 and A590302. I can see why you left out the opening paragraph of A167609 - we don't really need purple prose like that in the Guide anymore. But why did you leave out the bar-stool race and the other fascinating details? And when updating, you should try to preserve the writing style of the original author as much as possible - they wrote the thing, after all. You've blandified it.

you feel I have blandified (is that a word?) it

If you tell me all the things you think need incorporating I will do so.

How about incorporating the content from the original two entries, in their original style.

I think that an update would have to be focused on A590302 - that's a little bit more comprehensive, so as Gnomon points out, it'd be good to have those two combined in some way, along with any additional information you've found yourself.

Where possible, this should be thought of as an update, not a chance to just rewrite an existing entry. It's important to make that distinction, I think.

I've gone over sections (except History and EU) but I'm worried about incorporating their original style. For I am a different person and its only natural for people to differ from one another in writing style.

OK, Opti. Here are a few things you can do. These are all only my opinion, so other people may tell you differently:

1. copy the picture from the other entry into this one. Since this is going to replace the other, we don't want the picture to be lost.

2. Add the following sentence to the first paragraph:

You'd never guess that this introduction was written by a resident, would you?

3. Add a second paragraph, explaining about Guernsey being independent and not part of the UK, or whatever the situation is. This seems to have been lost.

4. There's a repeated paragraph in the Language section.

5. Give it a good read through, out loud if possible.

G

I don't know how to add the picture from the other entry to this one. Test never works for me.

Perhaps you're doing it wrong. The entry "A number" of the other entry is A590302. So the test name is test590302. Note that the A has been omitted. Go to your address bar and remove everything after the last slash character "/". You should then have something like this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/

Now type in the test name after the slash:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/test590302

and press Enter. This should bring you to the test page, from where you can cut and past the section relating to the picture.

Actually, the bit you need is:



This should go immediately after in your entry.