One of the Channel Islands, perched precariously close to the French, Guernsey is paradise on Earth. When the biblical forefathers wrote of Heaven, the Greek scribes of the Elysian fields or the Buddha of Nirvana they were not speaking of mythical utopias. Guernsey must have been the object of all their writings. The beautiful island sits atop the crystal clear waves of the English Channel, guarding the seas of Her Britannic Majesty the Queen.

There is, in some quarters, a feeling that Guernsey lacks culture. Not so; she has a plethora of renowned local talent. Granted, the small¹ island has never been over-represented on the international, national or indeed, even the local music scenes. Nor, it must be conceded, has she achieved any enduring success² among the Arts fraternity. Nevertheless it is most respectfully submitted that Guernsey is not without a cultural legacy.

• Every year there is a barstool race through the town. Some say this is a frivolous waste of time and maintain that blocking the streets of the only town on the island for half a day is irresponsible. Participants in this annual race experience the giddy thrills of speeding around the streets perched precariously atop barstools.

• Much more importantly, the island also leads the world in the field of tax-evasion: nobody dodges taxes like the Sarnians³.

• Guernsey has some of the most enthralling museums in the Northern Hemisphere: if the thrills and spills of the Guernsey Tomato Museum are too much, then the visitor need only visit the hardly-less-exciting Telephone Museum. And for the hardened adrenaline junkie there is always Len Dorey's Farm Implements Museum.

Guernsey's History

Sarnian history was fairly dull up until 1066. Guernsey was originally part of the Duchy of Normandy, so when William the Conqueror took over England, Guernsey was already a part of his Kingdom. This can be translated into Guernsey beat the English in 1066. A pity she couldn't do the same to the Nazis in 1940.

Later, during the wars in France, King John was forced to cede the Duchy of Normandy to the French. The Channel Islands however were not wanted by the French and were given the opportunity of remaining loyal to England. The islands decided to remain loyal to England in return for certain concessions. These included, no more taxes paid to the English and self-rule in almost all matters, except those of a military nature. To pay for the defence afforded by the UK, the local Government makes payments from collected taxes to the British government.

During the Second World War, the defence force, for which we had be paying the English for nigh on half a millennium, turned out to be a score of spotty, adolescent schoolboys with wooden rifles who had joined the Combined Cadet Force⁴. As you will appreciate, they were about as trained for combat as monkeys, and eventually, the British withdrew even this paltry defence force; the Nazis then came in to conquer the island. Surprisingly, considering the limited defences put up by the locals, the Nazis decided to bomb the island into submission for a day, and after the bombing Guernsey was occupied, but was eventually liberated at the end of the war. I believe it took the Allies longer to liberate the Sarnians than it took them to get all the way to Paris; there certainly seems to be some evidence to suggest that Guernsey is not central to anyone's plans. Every cloud does have a silver lining however, as every year on May 9th the locals celebrate Liberation Day.

The Guernsey Flag

The Guernsey Flag is a St. George's Cross with a yellow bit in the middle.

The Guernsey Weekly Press

A newspaper published for the exclusive enjoyment of the locals, The Guernsey Weekly Press is quite possibly the least scintillating of publications. A recent headline was 'Shopper falls through trapdoor!', which referred to a woman walking around the local shop who was so dozy that she didn't see the open trapdoor in front of her and fell straight through it, disappearing from sight and straining her right shoulder. This is big news in Guernsey. Later on in the same issue we had 'Irene can't part with her plough', all about an old woman in Alderney, a nearby island, who has been trying to sell her handplough for a few years now. Apparently, she just can't find a buyer. Wow, exciting news for Guernsey!