h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just read this from the orange's perspective and imagine how it feels. Surely the only humane way is to render the orange unconscious and then consume it whole.

Speaking of misconceptions - or perhaps deliberate misconstructions of perceived realities - I had always thought people who 'rolled' their oranges were perfoming some other function than that which is described in the article.

Sometimes it appeared they were warming their hands or perhaps hoping to warm the orange - which always struck me as odd since warm orange juice is less than refreshing and often just a bit too aromatic for my sensitive olfactory nodes. Mainly though I construed that they were showing off, a ritualistic display of gleeful self indulgence.

So I thank you for clarifying this matter and allowing me to further reduce the general burden of nastiness and contempt I carry for my fellow man. And please rest assured I will be stopping to pick up some oranges and test your theory.


~jwf~

Sadly, this entry contains an error which, after more than a decade, should finally be amended. The "green pimple" is NOT the spot where the fruit was attached to the tree; it is the remainder of the blossom. How could this crucial bit of orange lore go undetected for so long?

By the great wiggly worms who spin the webbery
of string theory! How strange this coincidence!

Last week, I bought a rather large navel orange
and placed it on my kitchen counter where I would
not fail to see it in a sleepy half-wakened state
in the morning - thus ensuring a relatively healthy
start to at least one day of the week - but that
plan seems to have evaporated. Gone and forgotten.

A few days later, visiting my sister she offered
to share a dozen of her newly bought 'Clementine'
tangerines - a Christmas box load. She made a big
deal of rolling one about and peeling it.

I thought - I know about this, how is it that I do?

And now you have plucked this random thread out of
the deep past and shown me where I learned the secret
of rolly orange peeling.

My only trouble now is that I do not know what ever
happened to the big navel orange left on my counter.
I do not remember eating it. I only recalled buying
it when I placed the dozen Clementines in a bowl.

I gave up searching my kitchen after a few minutes
completely resigned to the inevitable smell that
will arise when it begins to rot in whatever corner
it has taken refuge. This almost certain anticpation
of a thing to come gives me a reassuring sense of my
own balance of expectations.

But this thread being reborn was well beyond my scope.
I sure do loves me a good co-inky-dink me.


Oh, BTW, I doubt that there is anyone else subscribed
to this thread. So thank you for the opportunity to
once again read my own words of wisdom posted above.
It is a constant source of delight for me to re-read
any of my old postings and ponder how my style and
mental capacities are atrophying. 2008 was a good year.
I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.

~jwf~

PS: And good luck with having changes made to the entry.