h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are several things one must do to prepare for the inevitably of cellular breakdown. To begin with, expect your driving skills, however good they may have once been, to vanish into thin air. This is a by-product of what we outside the realm of physics call "Oatmeal Time". "Oatmeal Time" describes the fact that when someone has wandered beyond the event horizon of middle age, everything in their personal world slows down. This includes, but is not limited to: visual and auditory perceptions, "Static force" (which is the force that allows the skin to stick to the bones), the top speed of one's auto (which is automatically capped at 35 mph), and the ability to propel oneself across the room. It should be noted that "Oatmeal time" has nothing to do with dietary habits, and any correlation to these is pure coincidence. Several things can be done to ease the transition into elderhood, and possibly downplay the aforementioned problems. First, always, ALWAYS, drive in the right lane. This will not increase the speed of your car, but will diminish the annoyance of your fellow citizens. This has been known to benefit you in that it quells their nonsensical babblings of cutting social security benefits, to some degree. Technology is a wonderful thing, and there are many devices you can use to augment your diminished perceptions. Bionic eyes and ears are very useful, not only in prolonging one's ability to see and hear, but as a highly effective espionage tool. While there are also various operations to increase one's "Static force" they are highly dubious and not recommended. Your skin has given you a good 60 years, and could use the rest. There are also a myriad of contrivances to increase one's speed when moving about, but a better suggestion would be to buy a smaller house, thereby decreasing the distance you need to move.
Though the move into your later years may seem daunting, and frankly not worth the bother, there are many positive aspects of it. You can look down (or rather up as is usually the case) with scorn and contempt on younger generations. You can retire and do all the things you could not do before. Go hangliding. Visit new places. Tell stories to your grandchildren of "When I was young we didn't have any of this silliness with multicolored hair and body piercings. (Incidentally, body piercings decrease "Static force"). Do all of the things you have always dreamed of. If the newer generations poke fun at you, smile smugly in the fact that there is a good chance they will have obliterated themselves by the age of 35. Make every grain of sand left in your hourglass count to the fullest!

I have arrived at what used to be called old age, but is now late middle, or whatever. It is a very frustrating time: you are really good at Trivial Pursuits, cos youve read it all and seen it all - but you cant remember the answer now!Your brain does not recognise that you are 60 and sees no reason why you cant go mountain biking, but all your body parts dont go along with that.You may well have been sensible with booze and food, but gout can still stop you dead.Its nice not to give a damn what anyone thinks of your opinions, and to feel incredibly wise, but i'd still rather be 30.

Old age happens to all of us who are lucky enough to get that far! Learn to expect it and love it before it happens to you. (Same goes for death - it will happen, be happy about that too.)

Old age is a wonderful opportunity to do things for others. Many older people care for others who are not well, and gain tremendous reward for doing so. Others take part in charitable activities. Why not? Earning days should be well over.

If you are still chasing after things not done, money not gained, pleasures not had, then you will still be missing out when you die. Aim to achieve contentment by the time you grow old so that you can enjoy what you have and be happy!

Happy about dying? Not this little fish!
Why does time seem to speed up the older you get? (Rhetorical).
How can time be slowed down? (Answers please!!!)
Anyone know when the sex drive decides to put on the brakes?
~ Life & sex lover ~

To researcher 174822 - 60 is young!! I am used to spending a lot of time with people in their 80's, 90's and some even in their 100's. They all tell me that the age they would like to be forever is 65. Retirement has arrived, any children have left home, the mortgage is paid off and they still had good health. It seems to be that you have got 5 years to look forward to while you wait for the best time of your life. Make the most of it.

Many older people also say that they are so busy, they don't know when they ever found the time for paid employment.

I'm looking forward to old age.

Think Young! Drink plenty of water! Be around young people! Eat until you are just about full (see Paul McKenna). DON'T SMOKE (tobacco)!
While studying, friends used to say that I was like Dorian Grey, that I would not grow old. I refuse to let the free radicals free! I work from Monday to Fridays with young people. I recently learned to SMS! I've just started Karate and go jogging/walking with my dog in the woods everyday.
I still plan to meditate each morning when I get up ... apparently you only need between 3 and 10 minutes to start with. Okay, my children also keep me on my toes. Smile ... smile ... smile!

hi Babel
"anyone knows when the sex drive decides to put on the brakes?"

Sex is in your mind, always. You can lose interest at 20 or at any other age. I´ve met here the "minds" of a few men and I can´t tell you that I could have "a good time" with them. Some are even quite older than me, but they drive me on. It´s a fantasy, and probably if we could be together( quite improbable)we would not go beyond "honey" words or/and slight rubbings. And all this is still in my mind, I haven´t mention a word to them... yet
It´s said that women are conquested by the ear. I don´t know the rest of the world, but for me iT is ABSOLUTLY TRUE. I like what I read from them. The words are the DRIVE. It´s your mind what cooks those words-ingredients.
However, I´ve lost my intellectual mind a few times. I had "a good time" with brainless studs. I just felt like a "honey" monkey. My emotional brain, but my BRAIN, againg cooking for me.