The Internet is a virtual community. This has been said many times before. It therefore follows that nearly everything that is out here in real life has its equivalent on the web. Dating agencies are no exception.

Selecting Your Strategy

First off, you have to decide if you just wish to reply to other people's adverts or to place your own and allow them to come to you. Bear in mind the male/female ratio on most of these sites, especially the free ones where the ratio is about nine to one. If you are male, then your best bet is to reply to the girls' adverts, unless you are very good looking and willing to put a photograph up. If you are female you can afford the luxury of just putting the advert in and waiting. The men will be sending stuff to you in a flash.

Selecting Your Site

This is easier said than done. Some sites seem to have no limits on what you can say and show, while others will check your entry and only allow clean adverts. Most will check your photo before allowing it on the site. Some allow more anonymity and send and receive your messages without even divulging your email address, thus trying to maintain a high degree of privacy. Others will send your address with the messages. Some will log all your messages that you send as well as receive. This is handy when you have sent loads of messages and cannot remember what you have said to whom. Some have chat rooms, if that is what you like.

Some sites have a basic free service but charge for extras such as photos, enhanced search routines, logging of users visiting your site. Consider these carefully as they could improve your chances. Others have such poor search routines or order the matches in bizarre ways that they are not worth using.

Your Advert

Assuming you have decided to place an advert, the site will ask you many questions, such as your age, height, religion, are you vegetarian, your hobbies, ideal partner, ideal holiday, build, and so on. If you are after any sort of relationship more than casual sex then answer these as honestly as you can. Bending the truth is OK. If you say your hobbies are reading and DIY you may not get too many replies.

All the sites allow a statement, some more than others. Be original, and honest. Try and stand out from the crowd. If you think you are different from normal men/women then say so. Difference can be good.

You will almost certainly be asked for the relationship type. This can include; 'email', 'casual sex', 'short term', 'long term' and 'life partner'. Sites may use different names, but the general meanings are the same. Are you after someone for a quicky or a meaningful, lasting relationship? By choosing all (if the page allows it) you may appear desperate. By selecting only one you may well limit yourself. Pay close attention to this information on the pages of those who you answer.

Most sites allow you to post a photo. Some check these beforehand making sure you are not posting obscene material. Others allow practically anything including hardcore sex photos of 'you' in action, although a study of these and some hardcore porn site frequently reveals the same images. Whatever the site policy, unless you are really ugly, a photo increases your chances of replies.

Some sites will ask if you want them to write the introductions for you based on the answers to the questions. However, do not think that there's some real person doing all this - it's all software driven. You are advised not to do this as you will almost certainly have the option of doing your own introduction. In fact, you shouldn't do it for two reasons: firstly, all the profiles look the same, nothing unique to jump out at others; and secondly, these software writers are not very good, hence sentences like 'My interests include I like to dance and go to the gym sometimes'.

Your Answers

OK, so you haven't got many people writing to you so you decide to write to them. Most sites allow some intelligent searching. You can search on location, height, for non-smokers, in fact sometimes you can search for all those things you entered when setting up your site.

When you answer, the site will always enable the recipient to view your page, so don't repeat too much of what you say there. But say enough to grab their attention; remember, if you are male replying to a female then they will almost certainly have got a lot of messages. You need to read their page carefully, look at what they have to say and what their interests are. If you were scared to say you collected old spark plugs but they have, then mention it.

When replying don't expect answers. Many people either are swamped and don't reply, had placed the advert when they were drunk and have forgotten all about it, or maybe just use the PC once a week at a friend's place. If you get a reply then start talking.

If you are lucky (or female) and actually receive messages as a result of your advert then always read them carefully; look at the page of the sender, find out what sort of relationship they are after. When you have done all this then decide if you want to reply.

Notes on Gay and Bisexual Adverts

These sites seem by their nature to be more explicit; a few notes are worth making. Many women read 'bisexual' as either 'poisonous traitor' 'slut' or 'only doing this so my boyfriend can watch/join in'. Always check the motivation behind the advert because quite a few women advertising as 'bisexual femme' or 'bi-curious' are doing it so their boyfriend can watch/join in. This is fine if it is what you want, however make it clear in your first emails what it is you really want and are prepared to do. And finally, no matter how firmly you state that you are looking for women, you will always get a reply from some man looking to watch/join in. It can be assumed that the same applies the other way around.

There are, of course, many gay and lesbian people looking for fun, friendship and love online too.

The Conversations

These either start slow, build up and then peter off as you exhaust all the topics of conversation or just keep going. If after two weeks you have been exchanging an email a day and you feel that you know the person, then it may be time to meet. But do take note of the warnings below. There is a school of thought that says the meeting should be earlier to avoid wasting time - you'll either hit it off or decide very early on that it's not going to work. However, the positive effect of writing about yourself to a total stranger can be strangely therapeutic.

Don't enter these conversations with a view that they will end in a romance. It is entirely possible that, while not ending in a sexual relationship, you will meet someone who will become a very close friend. By making such friendships you will be expanding your social network to such an extent that maybe you will end up meeting someone in real life as people used to do before the Internet. Do not stop talking to someone if they say they are only looking for friendship; in the 21st Century these friendships are just as valid as those previously thought of as 'normal'.

The Meeting

Well, dating is what it all leads up to really. Taking into account all the warnings and safety messages these sites provide, you end up meeting someone who you have only exchanged emails with. OK, unless you are very young and have grown up with the Internet, this is not a normal situation. Where you meet can have a big impact. Obviously it has to be a public place, but not too public so that people around you can overhear what may be a strained and odd conversation. Be natural and act yourself, if you cannot find any common topic of conversations and it's obviously not working say so and walk away. If you find the conversation flowing, make sure you listen as well as talk. Nothing can be worse than to realise after two hours of conversation that neither of you have actually listened to the other.

However, just because you have had a detailed email conversation doesn't mean you will hit it off. Conversely, just because your emails may be short and not very detailed doesn't mean that when you meet you won't hit it off.

Remember, it will almost certainly be the case that the other person is feeling exactly the same as you are.

If all goes well, then arrange to meet again, or think things over and arrange another meeting some days later. The second and subsequent meetings will be much more normal. Anything you still can't cope with is your own problem.

Serious Warning

All these sites will contain valuable advice about meeting people. Read it. However, most do not mention the possible dangers that sending your email address can lead to. Many people have email addresses that contain enough information in themselves, along with the nickname packages give you, for a potential stalker to find where you live. There are enough commercial packages that can trace your address by using a first name or initial, a surname, and a rough location. The more unusual your name, the easier it is to be traced. Be careful what you give away.

Not so Serious Warning

There are people out there who think it is fun to pretend to be the opposite sex, usually teenage boys pretending to be teenage girls. Their adverts and any replies you may get never have the ring of truth. That 18-year old female virgin in need of education is rarely for real. Use your brain, if someone seems too good to be true, then they probably are... too good to be true, that is. Also, make a note of any discrepancies; unless they are all child prodigies those 19 year-old girls who say they are 'degree educated' should make you very suspicious. Of course, it should go without saying that these sites should only be used by adults whose age meets the national/local legal requirements (ie, the age of consent).

One other problem, which is common across the web is spam. Sometimes this is harmless, but do be aware of being sent any mail that may employ wily or under-hand means of getting you to use or to sign up to some product or something that you don't need and don't want.