h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Calling bar workers by names such as "Love", "Darling" and "Dear" can really piff us off.
Drumming fingers on the bar is, as said, bleeding annoying. Rattling empty glasses on the bar is another. Reaching across the bar with an empty glass is also just as annoying as waving a bank note. Although when it comes to bank notes, those customers that have a waller full of small denominations notes, but insist on paying with a large note if a bar maid serves them, they're annoying.
Waterproof lipstick! Say no more.
Customers who take ice cubes out of their drinks and put them in ashtrays that have got ash already in them, and those that flick ash into an ashtray full of ice cubes.
Stacking glasses into pyramids or other strange shapes on the tables. Or even just stacking glasses that aren't designed to be stacked, such as Slim Jims or HiBalls. Also with glasses, leaving a table full of empty glasses to come up to the bar and buy more drinks. If you want to make friends with the bar staff, bring your empties back up with you.
Sitting at the bar and moaning about all and sundry can really annoy bar staff, but not as much as insulting the staff to your friends thinking that they can't hear simply because they are the other side of a bar.
But, I think that one of the most annoying things I customer can do is to come in in a large group, order a large round for every one and follow it with an... "And I'll have a pint of Guiness."

Hi Pastey

You forgot about the morons who come up to the bar to order a large round and then can't remember all of it.

Grrr

curiosity: is paying by debit card on or off the approved list - when I was growing up it was heavily off - but now it seems to be more acceptable - provided the bar isn't too busy...

or is this just me not noticing the haggard looks of the barstaff any more?

The part about tipping is way off... it's not a good idea to wait until the end of the night to tip, unless you intend to frequent that place a lot. And in the busier clubs, you're not too likely to get the same bartender each time, and will probably have to flag down a waitress once or twice, which means that only that last person will be your friend, and everyone else in the staff will hate you, regardless of whether they split tips evenly or just keep what they were handed. The others were never the witness to your largess, regardless of whether they benefitted. Do yourself a favor and pay for each round individually, and leave a tip each and every time. That way, in that very busy club, you'll earn the friendship of everyone who works there. And by tipping each time in a place with only the one bartender, you'll earn the benefits before you even leave that night. Much more efficient than waiting until the next visit, and hoping they remember you...

Tipping in English pubs is a strange thing. You don't normally tip a percentage. What the norm is, that when you buy a large enough round of drinks, usually over six or seven, you tell the member of barstaff to take for one themselves. That's just the way it is. Most pubs let their staff choose to either take the drink, or the equivilant cash.

As to paying by credit / debit card, well... er... depends
In a busy pub or club in England it can really be frowned upon, and the majority of places refuse the cards out right. Most places don't even have the facilities to process them. The same applies to cheques. Most places won't let you pay by cheque. Unless of course you already happen to be a regular, then you can often get away with most types of payment.
If you are going to a pub in England, and think that you are likely to want to buy large rounds and settle up by credit / debit / cheque, then it's best to phone the place before hand, ask for whoever's running the bar, tell them that you're likely to be coming in and spending a bit of money, and could you pay by card or cheque at the end of the evening. Most places are fine with this. They'll set you up a tab, ask you to leave something behind the bar, usually your credit card, and serve you beer all night. Then, when the evening draws to a close and you wish to move on, you'll be presented with a bill.

Another way to really piff off barstaff, is when they ask if you'd like anything eles on the round, reply with "Oh yeah, a tenner from the till, hah hah hah" Yeah, hah de fragging hah. Never heard that one before.

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Tipping is a strange thing in England. Th best thing to do if you're unsure os to buy the bar person a drink.

As for leaving pennies, well, the barstaff will just ignore hem and leave them for the cleaners

We used to keep the pennies in a jar - to break change, use for gaming, heat up under the gril and leave on the counter etc...

Shared tips there - Pub/Resturant (girls on food make WAAAYY better than boys on bars). all in a big pot, split all ways, kitchen included and a share for the house.

Been a bar patron, barman and bar owner on the New York scene for over 30 years. The single most annoying experience I've been priviliged to enjoy has been the snapping of the fingers by some impatient oaf. That sound and sight not only offend your ear and eye, but attack you psychologically. I must have felt something like a raging bull charging the red cape. Needless to say, my coping skills came to play and that lump waited like no other had or has since....

P.S. On tipping in the big cities of the U.S., 20 to 30 percent is most typical in your local, left at the end of the night. In a club, more typically, a buck or two with each round.....Sleinte

I've got to agree that clicking your fingers is a surefire way to annoy barstaff but you can magnify this but saying "garcon!" in a loud voice. Needless to say I only do this in my local when its a friend serving and when there is absolutely no-one else waiting to be served. Even then I have to wait while the few customers present are asked if they want another drink. We have an abuse/abuse relationship in my pub.

If they're not clicking, they're whistling. I've only just left the bar trade after many years, man and bartender. The most annoying thing for me was whistling for attention... My usual response was to ask that customer if they'd lost their dog, I certainly didn't serve them next. As for the waving of pound notes to try and attract quicker service, I once frightened some poor guy half to death... middle of Saturday night, crowded bar and this wally's in the middle waving a twenty in my face. So I took it off him. Snatched it straight out of his hand! Put it in my shirt pocket. Then I proceeded to serve all the other customers at the bar. About fifteen minutes later I took pity on him (He had gone rather pale) and allowed him his turn. He didn't like that, but I doubt he's been as careless with his cash again! One-Nil to us Bartenders I say!