h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Back in 1995 (or thereabouts), Michael Bay directed a film called "The Rock". The basic idea was that a U.S. Marine General took control of Alcatraz with 80-odd civilians as hostages, and threatened to launch gas warheads on San Francisco if his demands weren't met. To rescue these hostages and stop the General, the FBI needed the services of the only man to have successfully escaped Alcatraz. This man turned out to be an S.A.S. Captain who had been sent to steal incriminating microfilm from J. Edgar Hoover back in the 60s.

The film is entertaining enough, butI have two problems with this scenario:

1. Based on the little I know about the S.A.S., I don't believe that one of them would be used for this kind of mission.
2. After a bit of hand-to-hand combat, the Captain is asked who trained him. The reply is, 'British Intelligence'. Again, based on the little I know, 'British Intelligence' aren't involved in training the S.A.S., particularly not in unarmed combat.

I appreciate that anybody who has real life experience of these matters is unlikely to answer this, but I would be grateful if somebody could confirm or deny my suspicions.

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A simple question... Not likely at all.

For the following reasons

1) I would seriously doubt that VX gas is that unsecure.
2) I also doubt the motives behind the thing, since Marine Recon Didnt do what they supposedly did.

However the SAS, were and still are the strong arm of the Sercurity Service and Secret Intellignce Service. The chains of commands inter link and twist together, that is it very likely that SIS would enlist the help of the world most dangerous men. However, the fact that the Americans would keep such people in Prison for so long isnt likely, as we are 'friendly' nations.

On the second count you are correct. I have written an article on Selection and training of the SAS. It aint much, but its a start. The SAS train themselves, and draw their men from the rank and file of the British Army, and now apparently from all area's of the British Military and other naions even. However, some SAS can find themselves seconded to the SS and SIS.

But to find a truely accurate film, would make it extremely boring. Personally take everything you hear with a pinch of salt, and i do mean everything.

I think it shows great tolerance to come up with just the two reasons why the premise of The Rock is unlikely. On the other hand, I never really thought of that as being the point. The Rock was tosh, sure enough, but it was good tosh. It could so very easily have been terrible, but was held together by the combined charisma of Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage and the some wonderfully straight acting from a support cast who must surely have been dying to ham it up some.

As for the points in hand, Mason was trained by British Intelligence because he was played by Sean Connery, and because he is in a very real sense James Bond all grown-up and grey. Just note the exchange with Nicholas Cage: "I'm Stanley Goodspeed"; "But of courshe you are". This was the same response Connery gave to Honor Blackman's statement: "I'm Pussy Galore". (So far as I know, but while I love the IMDb, they are obviously wrong in this case; the response to Plenty O'Toole's introduction in Diamonds are Forever being of course: "Named after your father perhaps"). No pretences here.

It probably goes without saying that Goodspeed sounds rather like a Bond Girl name.

And he was SAS because everyone knows the SAS are hard.

But why, oh why did he let the Irish-American terrorist get away with calling him English? OK, so he killed him, but if anything in the film deserved a flip comeback...

Oh dear, I appear to be meandering woefully off-topic again.

The Prophet.

But Bond, the quintisential british intelligence man in the movie world was trained by the navy, or at least held the rank of Commander.
There was even a set of recruiment ads for the navy at the time of the Golden Eye movie making the same comment.

Actually Connerys reply to Pussy Galore is "I must be dreaming."

Bond was always a British Intelligence officer. But however, to help tthings along withn interegatopna and joint ops with the military, it makes sense to assign Bond, James Bond, he is given a rank, to either pull it, or to fit right in with *laff* the chain of command.

You are of corse correct.

Moreover, I believe the IMDb may indeed be corect on this count; the exchange being:
"I'm Plenty."
"But of courshe you are."
"No; I'm plenty O'Toole."
"Named after your father perhaps."

I'm so ashamed; my film nut credentials have been compromised. I shall have to commit sepuku or something.

The Prophet.

Actually Bond is Commander because he served in the RNVR. Also, FYI, M's rank is actually Admiral and Q is ex-Royal Marines, so the whole thing is very naval!

Although I think the whole Rock thing is tosh (but great tosh, as has already been observed), I think there is an element of truth in keeping Mason in prison for years. If the British ever sent someone to steal Hoover's files which, (in conspiracy theories, at least) are the most sensitive documents in the US, and if he succeeded, the US would probably imprison him and the British would never own up. There have been countless examples of both sides of the special relationship spying on one another with complete deniability.

The Rock was absurd. I haven't watched it for years, but I remember noting all kinds of problems with it, aside from the shere implausibility of the plot.

The biggest thing I remember was the VX. Nerve agent doesn't disolve people like that. It would give them very painful siezures, and death would come fairly quickly. Essentially, a nerve agent turns all of the synapses on. All the muscles in the body contract without releasing, including the heart.

More importantly it wouldn't kill anything like the stated numbers in such an open environment. Remember the Tokyo subway? More than 2 litres used in a packed subway tunnel; only 17 dead. If those rockets were really used on San Francisco I'd seriously doubt whether they'd kill 1.

The stuff is spectacularly lethal. I don't think the nereve agent they were using in Tokyo was the same nerve agent as VX.

I think it was actually. BioChemical weapons are nowhere near as effective as is claimed. UN weapon inspectors in Iraq frequently went into buildings full of poorly contained VX and Anthrax with Iraqi cohorts. The UN inspectors always wore complete environmental protection suits while their Iraqi cohorts went around completely unprotected. Not one of the Iraqis died despite the claims of sugarbags of Anthrax being capable of wiping out whole cities.
A couple of them got quite ill but only after moving around oil drums of the stuff.

Anthrax is a biological weapon, and can be cured by Antiboitics. Its a diease which is found in cattle or something. However to kill a city, you contaminate the water supply, where hundreds and thousands, maybe millions will fall sick and overwhelm the medical services.

Now I thought that the Nerve Gas used in Toyoko, was Sarin. It depends what how they are deployed and used.

Poisoning the water supply of a city wouldn't work. The volume of water is just too large. Any poison put in it rapidly becomes too diluted to have any affect. If it was that easy the IRA would have tried it by now.

With Biological Weapons, They grow. They Multiply. Poisoning a watersupply is a serious problem.

The PIRA is a polictal animal. Poisoning London doesnt look good. These men are meant to be fighting against tyranny, not killing thousands of innocent people (all at once like)

And what about the Iran-Iraq war? What stopped the Iranians? Hint: It wasnt pretty daisys.

Show me a biological agent that can grow in water with a high chlorine content.

The PIRA (and others) have only recently turned to politics, back in the 70s they happily murdered civilians without any hesitation.

True Michael Collins and Lenin said the purpose of Terrorism is to Terrorise, but you still have to be seen a Freedom Fighters by your own people. Commiting mass murder on a city scale, isnt a way to do this.

And Also it would have removed all bounds off the British Security Services and Armed Forces. The PIRA faced with such feriocity against Terrorist attacks only seen by IMO Rhodesia after UDI, they would have not been a force anymore.

And do we drink Chlorine in our water? I mean the stuff that comes out of my tap doesnt taste like the stuff in the swimming Pool.

Here in Scotland we do. Not much but enough to kill bacteria and destroy viruses. In any case something like Anthrax (A virus) is unable to grow in water, it needs a bacterium cell as host to provide energy and raw materials to fuel DNA replication.

As for the political benifits of poison; its hard to see how the provo's would have problems with it. Their supporters always justify civilian killings with "in war people die". Supporting terrorists is like that Gary Larson cartoon (The far side) where a small boy ends up balancing a piano on the end of a broom handle. Once you've started you can't put it down. Once you agree that killing people is an appropiate way to achieve a political aim and donate money to that cause, its awfully hard to turn round and say that you have moral problems.
I'm sure the IRAs good friend Col. Gaddafi would have happily donated bio-chemical weapons if they'd asked for them. So I must presume they didn't use Bio-chemical weapons for the sole reason that they didn't think they'd be of much use.

The IRA wouldnt be that stupid. Believe me.

Considering that if the Political Will was there, the PIRA could have been cleared up in the 70's (where they were still of the Old guard of the IRA), to the 80's (where they wanted a Marxist united Ireland), Mass Murder of Civilians would have alienated all of there support base.