Who Done It?
Created | Updated Jun 21, 2003
On 20 July 2000 the first campaign to be Virtual
Prez of h2g2 took a grim twist. DD wandered as is his custom into
his local, the Forum and Firkin and found a pint of
Guinness nicely settled on the bar. He took a sip of it
and quickly found himself clutching his throat and
fighting for breath on the floor.
The Suspects
The Cheese has been
waging an active and violent campaign against DD from
the start of the campaign. This includes attacks on
Mama Peta's, during which DD had to lock himself in
the kitchens for his own safety. A quote from Katsy, one
of his loyal campaign lieutenants:
'ANARCHY NOW GETS THE BETTER OF ME AND I DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!!!!!!!!!!'.
Could this include poor DD?
Pergrin and Bluebottle have both threatened to assasinate DD. Bluebottle, only days before, was overheard saying the following to their Security Advisor Amy the Ant:
'I promised DD I'd murder him somewhen,
and I'd hate to disappoint him...'.
Have they finally fulfilled their
promise?
The two Dons Alfredo and
Vito have been trying distance
themselves from the fact that they have a history with organised crime. The DD campaign team has, however, been keeping tabs on these furtive activities. Don Alfredo
has been heard to say
:
'For the other people who are running for
President I have the following message:
Withdraw while you can, life is short enough.'
Was this an attempt to shorten DD's
life?
The Celery was heard saying:
'There's a coup going on, and STUMPED was not informed? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO WHEN THERE IS NO HONOUR AMONG THIEVES??'.
One definition of Coup is 'to eliminate
by force if necessary the opposition'. Considering the state of the opinion poll recently published,Was the elimination of the main opposition a secret strategy of the Celery Camp? And just who is this mysterious candidate anyway? Answers please to Keyser Soser.
Eomando could have used
her Jedi powers to mysteriously move the poison into
the pint of Guinness.
Big C was recently
found to be wanting to take over the world. The only
thing hindering him was DD, who just kept on stopping
him.
Has Big C attempted to put a stop to DD,
permanently?
Baldrick Promises a Vote for him leads to Heaven on Earth.
Does standing against him lead to a quick exit
to the real heaven?
Redbeard was in the
Forum and Firkin at the time of the incident. He was
first to try and revive DD but also the first to
revive him at the ER.
Is this care and consideration a cover
up?
Dr. E Vibenstein has
actually admitted:
'What a lightweight! I only spiked
it with floor cleaner.'
but whose employ/influence was he under? Was he
acting alone? Is he a scapegoat for a Government cover up? And were other poisons also added?
Maybe it was the Sub
Editors in a vain attempt to get some less
articles submitted to the Queue.
Police Baffled
At the moment police are baffled as to how such a
likeable person as DD could be so savagely cut down in the line of his normal day to day life at h2g2. They are pursuing all lines of inquiry.
DD Watch
Nightly we will update you on the state of DD's
health. This evening he is in a critical condition in
an Intensive Care Unit bed.
