Mancunian Blues
Created | Updated Apr 14, 2005
When Satire Calls
I was watching Bremner, Bird and Fortune and they were talking
about the dangers of Wheel Chair Grannies. I have to agree that motorised wheel chairs are a danger on the streets of Withington. I accept that they give mobility to people who need it, but it is a vast
conspiracy by the motorised wheel chair manufactures to increase their market. The plan is simple; give the things to people who are unable to control them.
I've watched enough series of Robot Wars to know what damage a wheelchair motor can do attached to a small axe and driven by a weird unwashed beardy bloke. However, spend some time on the streets of my town and you'll see the destruction is nothing compared to that which one in a wheelchair wrecks.
Picture this: a group of students wandering down the High Street. It's mid afternoon Saturday so they are nipping out to the pub to go to Greggs the bakers for a sandwich. Then the silent danger strikes, bursting out from a side alley at max speed. Hells Granny, blood of
previous victims dried into her cardigan. She aims for the middle of the bunch and sends them flying into the road, shop fronts, onto the pavement. She doesn't care; she doesn't even look back at the wreckage she's caused.
Twice on my way home I've passed the same guy - about 40ish and with fairly obvious physical handicaps. The pavements are fairly wide where I live. Both times I've seen him I've moved right to the side of the
pavement. Both times he's seen me he's stopped and changed direction driving straight at me. I've ended up almost in a bush once and the other time I had to be quick on my feet to avoid being pinned to a brick
wall. Given that I am a fairly fit and mobile young man and I have just avoided having my legs crushed, I fear for the safety of the toddlers in the neighbourhood.
The other day I went to an open mic night which turned out to be cancelled. We only found out it was cancelled from the barman, after he served us our drinks !! Anyway, we decided to wander back though the Curry mile, pick up some beer and then go round to somebody's house. However we hadn't planned on the Rusholme Restaurant Association. Not only is trying to walk down the pavement in a group difficult on a
Friday because every place will try and drag you in with offers, but then you find out the trip was worthless anyway.
Recently, the Restaurant Association ended the Bring Your Own drinks policy. What was the point, it thought, of students buying 8 cans of beer for £5 of their loan money to drink with their meal, when we can stop them and charge them the same amount for 2 pints? The knock-on effect is that both the off licenses have closed and there was nowhere to pick up booze which, frankly, is rather annoying and rather
damped the night.
Anyway, that's my latest from the Rainy City,
Till the next time,
Love peace and blues
tjm
