h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Any members of STUMPED wandering in this general direction-
We got here first!! This city's streets are under CHOPPER protection.

If you're wondering what this is all about then go to http://www.h2g2.com/A380396 for the answers!

Well, the streets are the only thing, then. STUMPED has neutralized the police force and replaced them with our own red-shirted extras. We have taken over parliament and Buckingham Palace is also in our control. The underground is run by our people and we have operatives everywhere. Here's some proof.

*Every speaker in the city suddenly comes to life, or ceases playing what it was previously playing. After a brief pause, they all begin playing Warren Zevon's "Warewolves of London"*

Owwwwwooooooooo!

Never!
*tweaks moustache*

We shall fight them on the beaches...

Absolutely!

(I say, could I have a spot of milk in my tea before we start?)

I say.

By the way, you can keep the underground if you can do anything about Circle line, but I really draw the line at the storming of the palace!!

rather

What-ho old bean, let's not just stand here chatting like a couple of old women. Let's go and kick some bottom, eh?

(Leaps the walls of the Palace grounds and scales the building, checking in all the windows for any dog-like, humanoid villains).

i say old boy. I dont think the other chaps are going to come.

That dog-like feller's gorn then, 'as 'e?

*Inkwash turns around after looking in one more window and notices the hovercam hovering silently behind him. He then notices the assasinbot hovering just behind the hovercam. From a speaker in the hovercam, a disembodied, but serious voice quietly speaks:

"You may leave now unharmed, otherwise we will forever hold your pieces."

The assasinbot clicks and hums in a menacing manner.*

Inkwash scowls at the assassinbot and spits into its view-cam, short-circuiting it temporarily and causing it to tune to Capital Radio.
As the assassinbot projects the voice of Chris Tarrant, Inkwash calls to its microphone saying "You're going to have to face me yourself, BBW!!"

*The novice rookie,who was told to stay at head quarters and train,sneeks into the palace,undetected,using his amazing stealth skills.With a massive karate chop and a loud KI-I he chops the assasinbot into it's componant parts,and as the assasinbot slowly shuts down,the words "Are you sure you wish to shut windows down" appears on the screen.*
Contol-Alt-Delete assainbot.You've been recycled.
*Realises his loud KI-I has attracted the attention of the camera bot*
Woops

*evillene (who is invisible, for those who don't know**) sneaks up behind mac and tickles him mercilessly- much to his confusion*


** also, for you newbies, it has already been stated that only sea, angel, and kudos can see evillene, so don't get any ideas!

*Suddenly, the ground beneath the feet of the good guys opens up and they drop into a chute. They whistle around a few corners and are then shot out of the end of the chute into the centre of large sewer pipe. Grimy water splashes up onto the walls of the sewer as they land.

Sitting in front of a monitor, somewhere inside the palace, BBW grins wolfishly.*

Those hovercams and assasinbot are irresistable. Draws heroes like flies to honey. Don't know how else I would have got them to stand there. Then again, sooner or later they would have stumbled on one of the traps around the grounds.

*evillene, who had been tickling mac at the time that they all fell, finds herself in the sewer pipe as well*

[evillene] EEEEEEEW!

*the heroes look around, nervous. evillene rolls her eyes and teleports out to find a shower*

Ah. I know this place. Mornington cresent station. nowhere near the palace of course, but nevermind. We'd better get back to base, you chaps...

"...To return later with a vengeance" surely?

Fine, we could do with some fresh tactics and... let's be honest, fresh clothes!!

Scene: Inside a palatial office, BBW behind a huge desk, sitting in a tall leather chair. Phones are arrayed around him on the desk and several monitors cast their blueish glow on his face. He looks up as a STUMPED underling approaches the desk.

Underling: Report just in from the SW quadrant, sir. The opinion poll shows you well ahead of the old Royals and government. That is the last quadrant to report and all have said the same thing. *Grins*

BBW: Thank you, Private. Well done.