h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah well. That's a pedestrian's view I suppose. As a commuting cyclist for 15 years in London could I take the opportunity to mention the phenomenon of S.U.M.S. (Sudden Unexpected Movement Syndrome) whereby person on pavement takes giant step to the right, leaving sidewalk with no prior warning to approaching 'lycra-clad loony'.

Next symptom of S.U.M.S. is the look of absolute amazement, and hatred, on the sufferer's face as the bicycle squeals to a halt inches from certain disaster, because they've simply sleepwalked into the road. The cyclist is, of course, seen as a 'maniacal despatch rider' who is out to kill or maim all innocent S.U.M.S. afflicted pedestrians.

The final stage of the affliction is that this opinion is passed on to all friends and relatives of the sufferer and eventually becomes a standard assumption of the London Evening Dullard, H2G2 entry writers and the insurance industry, who assume that if you've been knocked off your bike by a large van who drove into the side of you, then you are a despatch rider who spends all day deliberately and suicidally positioning yourself in front of large vans. (I have an official letter from an insurance company stating this fact, although the taxman is aware that I am, in real-life, a manager with a telephone company.)

And no doubt you're the law abiding one who doesn't ride on pavements, the wrong way down one way streets and stops at red light as well.

No doubt.