h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[The restaurant is at a high-up floor of a tall, imposing skyscraper. It is here that the STUMPED van arrives now. The predominant color scheme of the interior is green and yellow, most of the green being of marble.]

*SCREEEEEEEEEECH...BOOM*

*Corrupt leaps out of the van, which has neatly parked itself within the ground floor of the skyscraper, and shakes her head*

NYC, haven't you learned by now that parallel parking implies that you park PARALLEL to the curb?!?

*looks around*

Although, in this case, you may have actually made a positive contribution to the decor...

*RD flies off the top of the van straight through a first floor window of the Skyscraper*

CRASHHHH SMASSHHH

*shards of broken glass fall onto ground*

Tinkle ... Tinkle ... Tinkle

[Yar] ... Okay, that was stupid enough that it warrants a Continuity Bleach.

[Dylan comes by and splashes the thread with the bleach. The car is promptly in the parking lot, and there isn't any damage.]

[Dylan] Who da deus ex machina?

[Yar] /You/ da deus ex machina!

[Dylan vanishes.]

[Yar] Okay ... Floor number 42, right. [goes over to the elevator]

*NYC pops out in front of the elevator with black overcoat over black turtleneck. To Complete The Look, he also sports a suitcase... submachine gun. Lovely things, just out of Mayhem R&D, who of course got the idea from watching too many action flicks*

*lets go of the back of the van*

*considers taking the stairs*

[Everyone who's going to goes into the elevator]

[Yar] [thoughtful] Hmm ... I can sense something with the Force ... it's like ... the floors are lined with explosives ...

[NYC] GOOD! Like the world needs another corporate glass box!

Anyone like my new Black Spandex outfit ? I made it specially for the occasion.

*starts to hum along to Girl from Ipanaema and other musak in the lift in a really irritating way

[Pull back, revealing that this is on a TV being watched by Dylan. He takes out a remote and fast-forwards it until they reach Floor 42 and exit.]

[Maitr D] [in French, bored voice] How may I help you?

[Yar] [doing a Lawrence Fishburne impression] We are herrre to seeee the Merovinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngiannnnn.

[Maitr D] [in English w/French accent, filled with contempt] ... Of course. He haz been expehcting yo. Cohm weeth me.

*goes weeth heem still humming Girl from Ipanaema*

[The Merovingian is sitting at a large table, next to his wife Persephone, with several empty seats on the other side. Around his general area is a bunch of swarthy dudes, who are probably all rogue programs, including Cain and Abel and the Ghost Twins.]

[Merovingian] Ah ... reprezentatives of ze great STUMPED organization ... and some folks from CHOPPERS as well. Zis is my wife, Persephone. Would you all cair to jouin us?

[NYC] It depends. Are there capers in that dish?

[NYC] 'Cause, if there ain't, then absolutely no deal.

[Merovingian] Ve haven't even talked about a de-

[NYC] I DON'T CARE! I feel oddly contentious today...

...

[NYC] ...okay, it's over. *NYC sits down at the table* How's this: You're looking to keep control of what you have, yes? We're looking to pass through and destroy somebody who's encroaching on our business, your business, all business, even the very fundamental concepts that make up "business." And frankly, that just doesn't sit well with me. Very much unlike this food. Can I see a menu?

*Gives up his domb criminal act and stands menacingly behind NYC.*

[Merovingian] Indeed ... but as you must know, /I/ have a vahry .... /speceefic/ business, mon ami, wheech means zat getteeng what you want from me eez gouing to hahve a praice.

[Yar] We're after the Keymaker, if that helps.

[Merovingian] Well now ... zat eez another matter entaierhly ... eet means, amongst othair theengs, zat ze price is gouing to be a /bit/ steepair.

*Corrupt is busy threatening the waiter with much pain and suffering if he doesn't get those menus RIGHT NOW. He returns with a menu entirely in French for Corrupt, without pictures, and the French-challenged villain squints at the entrees, holding it upside down and frowning*

*Flips the menu over for Corrupt and shrugs.*

That's about as much as i can help you.

*To the Merovingian* What kind of price are we talking about here?

*winks suggestively at Persephone and flexes his spandex*

[Persephony smiles back warmly.]

[Merovingian] Well, let me put eet thees way: eet eez beyond your price range, and will remain so no mattair how much wealth you acquire.