h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A recent survey put the Northern Irish accent high on those which people found pleasing. Is it any wonder therefore that Northern Ireland is constantaly the source of new call centres. BT, Abbey National and others are springing up all the time.

Around here (Oklahoma) they use prison labor for call centers. Our governor keeps building privately-run prisons and lets them 'employ' the prisoners. The prison company makes a deal with another company and the convicts answer phones all day for less than minimum wage. Everybody profits except the state, which pays more for private prisons than public prisons in the first place. Also, lets not forget that the person taking down your credit-card number for that hotel reservation is a convicted felon!

Call centres are a menace which should be eradicated for the benefit of all! But now they have infected another part of our society. Get this - you know about 'cold calling'? People calling you asking whether you'd like to buy a kitchen/conservatory/television/share in a humpback whale? Well, get ready, because the UK public sector's getting in on the act! Instead of turning up on your doorstep, the good old Inland Revenue has (or will be) resorted(ing) to calling up people and demanding the Crown's hard-earned! Best part is, the 'agents' don't get a choice who they phone - that's up to their little grey box on their desktop.

Welcome to the 21st Century, boys and girls - quality jobs for all...

Be seein ya

Here in Canada, the major place for call centres is Winnipeg, Manitoba, 20 km down the road from where I live. I don't know how many there are, but plenty - inbound, and outbound. I was between real jobs a few years ago and I got talked into trying call centre work. It wasn't a huge mistake - I learned a lot about myself. I worked in an outbound centre, which means the computer dialed numbers, and when someone answered I tried to sell them, mostly, credit cards. It was only one or two steps above illegal, I'm convinced. We called into the US, which is wierd, because US call centres call into Canada with a Canadian version of the same cards. I've had them call me, and sometimes, I could do their spiel verbatum. You get real used to being yelled at, sworn at, hung up on, and generally told off. Out of 10 calls, 1 person would let you go through the whole spiel, then say no, or hang up, 5 or 6 would swear of shout at you, 1 would tell you their life story, 1 or 2 would buy, depending on product, the rest would be answering machines.

A hint that by law is supposed to work in North America, and maybe the law elsewhere: If you don't want to be bothered by a call centre, say, exactly "Please take me off your list". Here they are required to read you a special blurb, and push the right buttons to have your phone number removed. It takes 4 to 6 weeks to take effect. Don't hang up, or be obnoxious. The person on the other end will wait till you are gone and say "Well, we'll call you back then", and push the buttons that re-queues your number, and someone on the evening shift will call you back. Whatever you do, use common sense. If it sounds like a scam, it probably is!!

Our supervisor's day-starter was "Okay, people, smile and dial". You got so you just hated to hear it. One person I know is going to write a book titled "Smile and Dial, Suckers".