h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Call Centres are the places people ring in a screaming mad temper in the expectation the managing director of the company will be ready and waiting to take the call with a well timed 'i'm listening'. If the MD is perchance travelling the azure waters of he med on their extortionate salary they expect anne robinson to be filling in for him.
Despite the fact most people commonly regard call centres as sweat shops, callers don't ask themselves the question why would the MD be taking calls in a call centre at 23.45pm on a Sunday evening when they could be anywhere else in the world??

Mostly people who work in call centres or with customers anywhere in this world know that customers are nuts so the more irate callers get the more we think, this caller has lost the plot.

I have been askd to courier deliver a package to a customer as he drove down the M6 between junctions 12 and 14 at a certain time and the customer then gave me his registration number (note to courier, wind down own window, wait for customer to do likewise, then aim for passenger seat) he was DEADLY SERIOUS and since i'm at work i have to respond in a polite and serious way.

I have been told by a customer he would sue me if his phone did not work while he went skiing off piste as he could have an accident and he needed to be able call help. I was at work, i did not ask the obvious questions such as what happens if you break the phone in the fall? What happens if (ironically) your phone does work but you have broken both arms or are even unconcscious? Why should other people risk their lives saving you when you clearly have no confidence in your skiing ability?

I have heard tell of an hour long chat with a customer who could not get his phone to work only for his wife to walk past him and say 'darling thats the TV remote"

I have even been asked by a customer to change his phone because his ear hair got stuck in it when he answered a call. " Why sir, i can't change your phone but i will call our accessories line to see if they have a de-hairing device they can send."

The customer is always right (in their own alternate reality)

Oh yes, they do have durations, callwork and listen to calls but hey its a business they have to try to make money otherwise people would have to write a letter or even go into shops and banks and shout at real live people who might look upset and you'd feel sorry for them and then you would just accept things in a true British fashion.

I've spoken to all sorts of customers with truely bizzar expectations. Most often as common sense decreases, unreasonable expectations increases. This becomes an accute problem when there is actually a problem or more often there is failure to be reasonable, read instructions or T&Cs and it leads to a confrontation.