Seek and Ye Shall Find
Created | Updated Jul 29, 2004
The Hootoo archives contain many weird and wonderful bits of writing, which don't always get the attention they deserve. Unless they enter the Edited Guide, or are unearthed by The Post, Underguide or CAC, they may lie unread and unloved for years, while their authors go out for a sandwich or even permanently Elvis1. The best way to find these gems is undoubtedly through the search engine, having ticked the box marked no Edited entries. The infinite improbability engine and searching conversations provides too much dross: searching unedited guide entries is the way to go.
Grass
This week I shall be taking a mower to the luxurious growth that that is the hootoo archive on grass.
For a change, perhaps I could start with an Edited Guide entry, and one of my favourite ones. A410897 takes a simple geographical feature and tells us all we need to know about it. I feel compelled to visit the city of Denver, Colorado, just to see this marvel of creation, and bask in its green soothingness. But as U32986 points out, perhaps there is a deeper reason that makes me want to travel to such places far away from home?
The grass on the other side of the fence actually really does
look greener, it's a fact. Parallax dictates this.
Look directly down at your own grass and you can also see
down to the soil and the whiter bits of the grass stalk --
this spoils the nice over-all lush colour of your grass.
However if you look across at the grass in the next field, each
blade of grass hides the not-so-green bit of the grass
behind it: so it all looks nice and green and lush.
Just imagine if parallax worked in the opposite way... then the grass
nearest to you would look the best, then there would be less incentive
for animals to explore further afield ...this would have profoundly
affected the course of evolution (life would not have spread
so quickly across the globe): life would not exist as we know it
today......... although Farmer John would have less fences to fix
due to Daisy and chums being more content in their own field. Hmmm.
So what can we do with grass? U191335 has a cunning idea to power a fridge with it. She specifies that her invention is:
Perfect for camping holidays! Just fill it with 3 tonnes of freshly cut grass, and have the power of a fully functional fridge for a full 3 minutes!!
Don't call us, we'll call you...Perhaps more practical is the idea of playing tennis on it, although as A601750 discusses in a thoughtful way, some people prefer a kind of dusty brown surface instead. The EG entry on grass itself may I suspect have taken less time to throw together than this Post article. However, the conversations hanging off it suggest some other potential uses for grass.
U52331 puts in front of us the idyllic picture of
the ritual of tea on the lawn (drinking tea whilst on a piece of grass, rather than spreading it round your garden liberally). This is often associated with large houses and posh people as depicted in Merchant Ivory films, but can be easily reproduced in your own garden with a dining chair, a mug of char and an elderly relative to make and fetch fresh brews.
Incidentally, if it is sunny at the time you wish to partake, you must get a parasol/small oak tree/marquee/giant to shelter beneath otherwise you'll be tannin' with your tannin.
Nice pun. No really. Still at least one person ()learnt something from the entry on grass, just one more incidence of the edited guide changing someone's life for the better! I will leave you with that agreable thought in your mind - happy searching!
In view of this enlightening information, I have decided to give up the practice of cutting turf, rolling it into a joint and lighting it. I did wonder why it never produced the desired effect. I am continuing the treatment from the doctor for a nasty case of soil erosion (heed my warning - it's not pleasant - keeps me up at night...)
The Seek and Ye Shall Find Archive
