h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some social pointers for anyone who wants to perhaps move the Kerry or West Cork sometime, but is afraid of making any social blunders before hand:

If someone offers to buy you a drink in a pub, it is an offer of exchange. That is, if I get you one now you'll do me the favour of going to the bar for my drink later on. To miss a round in Ireland is to risk being ostracized unto the fourth generation. (In West Cork, comments such as "I don't trust that Finnegan, his grandfather was an awfull bollox." abound)

The word "Langer" is a derogatory term, and usually means that now is the time to remove yourself from the company of the person who has uttered it.

If you have an American,Australian or Spanish accent, do not be loud. There is something calibrated oddly in the brains of the natives that resonants with the same frequency and can cause painfull headaches.

When standing behind a bar, do not attempt to attract the attention of the person serving by waving or shouting. They have noticed you and will serve you when they see fit.

We do NOT have any Leprechaun stories. They don't exist, and if they do they were probably invented by a food advertising company.

In regards to sporting and sporting events, a good way to "get in with the locals" is to attend a game of hurling or football, and stand at the sidelines shouting things like "Gawan ya bouyo," "Whip the legs off him!" or "Shave a bullock Micheal, shave a bullock!"

An easier way is to buy everyone a pint on your first night of arrival. Don't worry, you'll get them back.

Sound advice indeed. Thank you. Come around some time and I'll buy you a pint - without expecting one in return!

In all seriousness (God, I sound like a dodgy stand-up comedian - "but seriously, folks...") do you live in the area? It sounds like you know what you're talking about...

Thanks for reading the article!

Gothy

I was referring to experience I have with a little town called Clonakilty in West Cork. I go there from time to time when I feel like talking to someone who has something to talk about other the public transport systems and property values.

However I find the same phenomenons ring true in many tourist areas of our beautifull country.

I would be delighted to accept your offer for a pint, and I can be found hillwalking amongst the many peaks of the glorious Maggilicudy's reeks (If that is how you spell that!) between March and September. (You can tell me apart from other travellers by my lack of a pacemaker or neon waterproof gear.)

For any enthusiasts in the area, I would particulary recommend hiking up through the Mangerton pass (Not too far from Killarny), where the whole spread of the West Cork and Kerry coastline is visible from Mizen head to Ventry. Lovely.

In regards to Clonakilty, go there if you are searching for the ultimate pint of guinness. This is available in O'Donovan's Hotel or in De Barras pub. (That is when they have time to leave them settle.)
This area is also well reknowned for it's excellent music.

I also neglected to mention the meaning of the TTTL tile of this article. It stands for "Thank God They're Gone," and has become a catch phrase for many parties held after the close of the tourist season. If you are in the area during the tourist season, please try to hunt in the more un-populated areas.