h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I remember my first experience in sleep deprivation. I was a freshman in college, and with the help of way too much (uh, yeah) coffee, I was up all night trying to write a paper for Basic Comp. As this paper was basically supposed to be a synopsis of my opinions of current affairs at the time it would have been much easier for me to do nowadays since I have since gratuitous swearing as an appropriate means of academic discourse. However I digress.

I first appreciated the benefits of sleep deprivation that same night when the polar bear in my dormitory room closet magically transformed itself into a laundry bag. Then I had another cup of coffee.

It would have been worse if the laundry bag had transformed itself into a polar bear...

Or worse yet....

A TELEMARKETER!!!!!!!!!!!

If it were useful it would turn into a cup of coffee...

...Or better yet, a crack rock! Yeah, a cup of coffee would have done the trick, but a little bit of good old-fashioned crack cocaine would have REALLY kept me awake!

Meanwhile, there's more to this story. After the sun came up, I finished my paper and the sweat on my skin was a mixture of coffee and brine. So, I had another cup of coffee and took a shower. While I was in the shower, I slipped into the REM phase while I was still awake. It was like one moment, I would be taking a shower, and the next, I'm at this fancy-dress cocktail party, holding a martini in one hand and levitating people with the pinky on my other hand.

I found this all pretty cool, as the hallucinations were much better than when I had first tried mushrooms the week before, so I decided to stay awake the rest of the day.