h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If I remember, you only have one wicket/batsman and the game is sort of continuous in that as soon as the bowler gets the ball he or she is entitled to bowl, whether the batsman is at the crease or not.

If my hazy "small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts" nostalgia is correct, we also used to have a rule "one hand for one bounce" whereby if the ball had only bounced once after the batsman hit it and you caught it with one hand then they were given out. Anyone else remember this?

P.S. I don't intend un-PCness. I believe the term "batsman" applies to both sexes. "Batsperson" is a bit silly, and "batter" definitely isn't cricket .

Child's tennis raquet used as bat. Therefore impossible to be out LBW. Therefore no umpire needed, Local rule - batsman out if ball lands in stinging nettles and (unless batsman is a parent) s/he has to fetch ball so that game can resume.

The way I played French cricket, the stumps were your shins, and you were allowed to turn round to face whoever had the ball, but not move. When someone caught / picked up the ball, they weren't allowed to move either. They could either bowl to you, or pass to someone nearer. Played with a tennis racket, and bigger people have a built-in handicap of not being able to cover the whole shin area with the racket. One hand one bounce, and if you catch or bowl someone out, it's your turn to bat.

Also, if you miss, you can't turn, and then it's any part of your legs below and including your arse. Getting hit in the bollocks is different - if you can't continue, then sod off, wimp!