h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm so pleased I didn't get this to sub. I'm also happy that my ablutions don't require such measures, are big turds a man thing?

I think large deposits come with a healthy diet! According to a medical expert:

"An ideal bowel movement is medium brown, the color of plain cardboard. It leaves the body easily with no straining or discomfort. It should have the consistency of toothpaste, and be approximately 4 to 8 inches long."

If your stools are smaller than that, well... you might want to look into it.



The Apprentice

Dear me, this is all horribly excessive. The furthest I would consider going would be a single floating sheet, which can easily be replaced for further, em, strikes. It can be placed exactly by first folding it (loosely, no crease) and dropping it centre-first on the surface of the water.

I've always called them "splash pads". One benefit in using them is that you always get a measure of how much toilet paper is left before you start.

There was I thinking that's why sales of The Sun newspaper were so great?!?