h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A very tall lady in Rome (1)
Wanted an expensive new home, (2)
but try as she might (3)
Her budget was tight, (4)
for getting a ceiling with a dome (5)

An unpleasant toad at the office (1)

An unpleasant toad at the office (1)
As nice as a pig in a trough is (2)

Jeez! I think the eagle should have L5.

Hi lapislazuli, I've not been around for a while, good of you to remember me

An unpleasant toad at the office (1)
As nice as a pig in a trough is (2)
Once loudly declared, (3)

An unpleasant toad at the office (1)
As nice as a pig in a trough is (2)
Once loudly declared, (3)
"You lot better be scared, (4)
I'm not lethal, but hey, (oink) my cough is". (5)

(I seem to have stalled it, so I figured I'd better see it off)

There's a 'thing' on a shelf in our shed (1)

There's a 'thing' on a shelf in our shed (1)
Sitting next to a battered old Ted, (2)

There's a 'thing' on a shelf in our shed (1)
Sitting next to a battered old Ted, (2)
If I whistle, it scowls (3)

There's a 'thing' on a shelf in our shed (1)
Sitting next to a battered old Ted, (2)
If I whistle, it scowls (3)
And releases some owls, (4)

There's a 'thing' on a shelf in our shed (1)
Sitting next to a battered old Ted, (2)
If I whistle, it scowls (3)
And releases some owls, (4)
So I can't sleep when I get to bed (5)

Old Bob's feet had a really bad smell (1)

Old Bob's feet had a really bad smell (1)
Even the dog thought, "this stink is hell". (2)

Old Bob's feet had a really bad smell (1)
Even the dog thought, "this stink is hell". (2)
In the street, kids would flee (3)

Old Bob's feet had a really bad smell (1)
Even the dog thought, "this stink is hell". (2)
In the street, kids would flee (3)
Cats, run up a tree, (4)

Old Bob's feet had a really bad smell (1)
Even the dog thought, "this stink is hell". (2)
In the street, kids would flee (3)
Cats, run up a tree, (4)
In a forest, he was forced to dwell ! (5) [ not too happy with that line]

One cold day, the cat lost its tail (1)

One cold day, the cat lost its tail (1)
Flick it in anger? He'll fail. (2)

One cold day, the cat lost its tail (1)
Flick it in anger? He'll fail. (2)
So they got him a fan (3)

One cold day, the cat lost its tail (1)
Flick it in anger? He'll fail. (2)
So they got him a fan (3)
And the "fun" then began (4)

One cold day, the cat lost its tail (1)
Flick it in anger? He'll fail. (2)
So they got him a fan (3)
And the "fun" then began (4)
The photos will come through the mail.(5)

I'll be absent from here for two weeks, (1)

I'll be absent from here for two weeks, (1)
going to Wales to harvest some leeks (2)

I'll be absent from here for two weeks, (1)
going to Wales to harvest some leeks (2)
With daffs in my hat, (3)

I'll be absent from here for two weeks, (1)
going to Wales to harvest some leeks (2)
With daffs in my hat, (3)
and dressed in old tat (4)

I'll be absent from here for two weeks, (1)
going to Wales to harvest some leeks (2)
With daffs in my hat, (3)
and dressed in old tat (4)
After two weeks of leeks, I'll have creaks (5)

Have you ever tried to type a ' and got a ! over and over again, then just as you were going to throw the keyboard out you realised that there was a speck of dust on the screen directly, under the '


A "hooker" from Abergavenny (1)