h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You also have to remember that there must be moments when they can nearly snog, and then not, to really annoy the x-philes!! And I think you took the eating mud comment a little too strongly dearest. But who's for me to say, I like those big dresses!!

It's not just abandoned buildings where the lights never get switched on, it also happens in buildings where you might reasonably expect the power to be connected. No-one ever even TRIES to switch the light on.

To digress about torches for a moment, who designed the ones they use on Star Trek Voyager? They don't seem to have any advantage over the standard model (apart from perhaps they're not so easy to drop). If you're going to have a torch strapped to a part of your body, why not go for your head, like miner's hats? This has the advantage that they're always pointing where you're looking, and it leaves both your hands free.

I'd say they don't use miner's hats cos most actors don't want anything on their heads that looks brighter than they are...

What big dresses - did I miss a posting or something.?

Also, the reason I took exception to the comment is that it was exactly the same kind of phrase used by prejudiced European colonial 'archeologists' to deny other civilisations true recognition of their history (along the lines of 'Great Zimbabwe couldn't have been built by the locals, as they were all running around naked and living in mud huts...', and no doubt countless other similar guff).

Seriously, I suppose sometimes they're trying to avoid the torch being a target for a gunman, but in that case, they should carry the thing as far away from their head and body as possible, not right in front of them like they usually do, and there's nothing to stop them taking off a headtorch and holding it in the hand where necessary.
Maybe they just can't stand to get their hair messed up, or when they're wandering along a gantry, they want something else they can drop as well as their gun.

Thinking about that, it is extraordinary how often people do drop their guns when climbing on scaffolding, etc. (Maybe they should get their mums to thread some string through the arms of their jackets, and tie their torch and gun on like a pair of gloves.)

Look, i didn't mean to offend anyones country, or to say one is better than another. I'm just trying to say that it's a bit smart-arsed these producers saying that its their country who introduced civilization to these countries which have been civilized for thousands of years.

And as for the naked and eating mud comment, it was a joke!

Comon fellas bygones??
LOL at the idea of the torch and gun treaded on with string by the way!!

Fair enough, I guess we both made our valid points.

And yes, the string idea did rather amuse me as well. Some incongruous mental images can rather catch the mind's eye.

*Huge echoey voice*

DINSDALE...

Just figured I'd better suggest a few more movie-(a)nomalities here. And fear not, I shall acuse nobody of eating mud. (I tried it once, tastes awfully bad!)

Car solidity: Cars blow up whenever discarded violently. A car upside down will always explode. Cars in accidents either fall apart but continue to drive or they hit a curb and are totalled.

Carkeys: If you don't own the car, it is still unlocked so that you may enter it and take the carkeys, which are placed conveniently within the vehicle.

Television news: When the television is turned on by hero #1 in time to see the important news, hero #1 can walk to the other end of the house and pick up hero #2, helt her get dressed and go back to the television, where the newsreporter is still reporting about the same piece of news.

Television-toilet effect: Nobody EVER goes to a toilet unless something is going to happen, either on the toilet or while the other person is away on the toilet.

People: Bystanders never fetch help unless somebody has been shot in which case there's always somebody capable of yelling "somebody call an ambulance!"

Speed: Whenever the hero or villain needs to get from one place to another, he/she is capable of getting there in time, no matter distance, traffic or possible means of transportation.
(In The Man with the Iron Mask", a sloggy Musketeer thingy wit Leonardi D, they managed to get from the Versailles Castle outside Paris to the Bastille prison in central Paris in ten minutes, obviously using trained turbo-horses.)

Light-switches: These are on a set for decorative purposes only. If attempted worked by hero, they do not work. This is rarely important as the hero rarely attempt it, using his MagLite in stead.

Computers: Are all on one friendly network as anybody can acces anybody elses machine by using any readily available but unknown programme. And when the other macine is accessed, it turns itself on and shows the copying/transfer/deleting on screen in nice graphics. Any document deleted from the harddrive is also removed from the screen, just as any document saved onto a disc is readily readable by any other programme, but then, as previously mentioned in this forum, any virus can enter any kind of computer! Bill Gates go home...

More on light switches: when someone is in a bedroom and switches off their bedside light, an even more powerful, usually blue, light will come on outside the bedroom window. Or if it's some kind of noir thriller, there will be a flashing red or green neon sign bright enough to flood the room with light. This won't have been obvious until the 40 watt bedside light is switched off.

..and here's one that (as a professional sound engineer) really fries my nuts: whenever anyone with an important announcement to make steps up to a microphone on a PA system, with no encouragement or adjustment from them it must feed back, i.e. whistle, a little. The insulting reference is that people only know there's a PA on if it howls.

If I were you, I'd be more insulted by the fact that microphones (and the thingy they are positioned on), loudspeakers, mixers and everything else on a stage is capable of exploding in a shower of sparks that leaves nothing to be desired from the ones made when computers blow up. I was not aware that loudspeakers could spark as well before I saw it on tv. In fact, the entire stage, baloons, ribbons, heroes and all, is quite flammable!
But then, as is everything else.

The opposite happens when Hero#1 goes to hide in the sewers (!) beneath a desert camp (!) where he is almost killed by the flooding (!!) of water in said desert (!!!) sewer during a (!!!!!) draught...

Or when Hero#2 is engaging in mortal combat on swords and continues to use his sword without unholstering his trusty old gun and finishing the bad guy. (A thousand praises to Harrison Ford for dealing with this particular cliché in Indiana Jones. Shame only that this film still holds so many other clichés!)

And why oh why is it only in Quentin Tarrantion flicks it is possible for the 'hero' to use lousy tricks to win a fight? If I was subject of an attack, I would not hesitate to crunch balls, bite, poke in eyes or even use whatever heavy instrument available to deal with the scum. I would surely not just cry 'help' and allow myself to be killed / raped / mugged / abducted / covered in false blood in the midst of a supermarket / sportsshop / fitness centre / police station.

Why do cars always stop five to ten metres away from whatever they are speeding to reach, allowing the driver to jump out and run the last bit of the way? What's so weird about driving all the way to the fallen hero?

Ooo.. I see that.

According to a clipping on Reasercher Tobos toilet wall (don't ask) the Harrison Ford thing came about cos both he and Speilberg had had a nasty bought of Dehli Belly and couldn't be arsed with taking the time from a tight schedual to film another fight scene!!!

Ah, there you are Helena!!

Has anyone mentioned yet the effect of walking into ye olde darkened ruins with only one bog-standard flickering candle which miraculously seems to have the illuminary effect of a 500-watt spotlight???

Said torch has to have a high degree of illuminative effect. It is part of the script!
If I ever saw anything on television and the screen went totally dark, I would assume it to be out of order, no matter where the heroes / scoundrels weher going.
And anyway, they need as much light, as they obviously cannot see a thing in the pale blue or flickering other light that comes on when the usual light is switched off.
Poor things...

BTW - I've heard that Harrison Ford came up with the idea because he too felt stupid trying to do a battlescene carrying a gun.
But I like the other story too.
Anybody out there who happens to be Harrison Ford and who can tell us?

BTW - Who says that Harrison Ford is NOT one of the 30.000+ researchers here?

I've heard the Delhi Belly story from several sources, so it's probably the true one...

I seem to recall hearing the "don't wanna fight with sabres when carrying a gun" from one Harrison Ford in a television programme. But then, perhaps he didn't wanna admit publicly to it?

How come movie fishes either are totally harmless or can skin an elephant within the minute, even if it is a species unable to bite into anything?

And why do electric eels produce huge blue sparks? I've never seen that in any David Attenborrough show...

Yeh and produce enough voltage to fry you... Hello Uncle Beaker!!