h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You have summoned me from the deepest darkest depths of hell, is there something I can do for you?

Are u Bill Gates?

Do you like the nickname 'Old Goaty Legs'??

You cannot be the real satan, that's me. I am the one destined to ride the Earth on the back of a black mountain bike at the end of all eternity, along with my three other minions.

Begone imposter!

Err, who are your minions?

The other Cyclists of the Apocalypse are Beer, Gloating and Flatulence

I'm betting he's Kathie Lee Gifford

And do your minions h2g2?

What the hell is a minion and why does everyone claim to have them? If you don't is it a minioff?

Currently, I am the only voice the Cyclists of the Apocalypse have on H2G2 until I can persuade them otherwise to join, which shouldn't be long off I hope.

My Bob, you ARE phony!

It's the Five Riders of the clapoyspe, Riders! And they don't have Goaty Legs, they have goatees to their legs. It's a common misunderstanding.

Umm.. I'm a minion. I'm the cyclist formerly known as "Flatulence." Ha, ha ha. Oh, ouch. No, really. I'm just the minion known as "Annoying ATM Fees."

So if some of you are representing the four cyclists of the apocalypse, I don't suppose you know what comes behind you, do you? I heard a rumour there'd be a giant stampede of duck-billed platypuses which would take care (by trampling) of anything the previous lot missed. The final few platypuses would be responsible for laying down dust sheets so that the Antichrist could keep his feet clean. Whether this is true or not I have no idea.

I do know what is coming actually.
It is the mutant star goat that missed you all last time.

Afterwards? I have no idea. We're just schleps who get minimum wage. The "Big Guy" keeps us in the dark.

It wasn't a mutant star goat, it was a gigantic swarm of twelve-foot pirahna bees or something like that.