h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I thought there should be a conversation about real life insults here so I decided to set the ball rolling

Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill 'You sir are drunk'
WC to NA 'And you madam are ugly - but I shall be sober in the morning'

Old and hackneyed I know but a definite score of 5

I've always loved that one.

Another classic was from Fawlty Towers. It roughly went like:

Woman: "He's a spirited boy. Rather highly strung."
Basil: "Yes, he should be."

This may not be an actual insult. I can't remember how I came by it. I have used it once with great success and acclamation, probably my only 5 pointer.
A group of people came into my room. I had no wish to speak with one of them:
"Excuse me, (person's name) would you mind closing the door?" and as he went to close it "No, from the outside."
It worked. It worked!
But I don't where I would have gone if it hadn't.

Lady Margot Asquith was famous for her acid wit. When asked by the actress Jean Harlow how her first name was pronounced, she replied, "The 'T' is silent, as in Harlow".

This is the best sort of insult: the apparently innocent comment.

I heard another good Churchill insult once. I'm not sure who made the first assualt though.

Unnamed woman: If you were my husband I would poison your tea.
Churchill: If you were my wife I would drink it.

If anyone remembers who that was aimed at I would be much obliged.

I believe that was also Lady Astor. Though not strictly an insult, but a pointed Churchillism was his comment to DeValera when visiting Ireland during WWII in the hopes of securing harbours along neutral Ireland's coast for the British Navy. When offered a drink, Churchill replied, "I'll have what I came for --- a few ports."

Dorothy Parker to an unnamed Young Thing who had just let Ms Parker through the door ahead of her with the clliche, "Age before beauty". Dorothy swept by, leaving behind the retort, "Pearls before swine."

One of my favourites,

"What he lacks in intelligence he more than makes up with in stupidity"
Anon

Woohoo!!

BOB

Buffy the Vampire Slayer has loads of these, espcially between Cordelia and Xander. Here are some classics

Cordelia - Rather than date you, I would crawl into that hole and die.
Xander - Gee, thanks Cordelia. And I really don't know what everyone's talking about, that dress dosen't make you look like a hooker!

Willow (when Xander starts dating Cordelia) What's his number again? Oh yeah, 1-900-i'm-dating-a-skanky-ho.

There are lots of better ones, but I can't think of them right now. Anyone who remembers one please post it.