h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Of course it wasn't my cat. That was "comedy".

My cat would never jump up gkrjseloitjglew23786y5olfg go on, out.

i know, i was just giving you a hard time...

yet another form of TSP is not the fear of loss of an item, rather
a sudden an unending craving for franchized food items. this usually means the last franchized food store the victim passed on the way to the train station. The victim is certain there is plenty of time for
a quick stop in, especially if he or she or it runs to the establishment. Such a case of TSP almost always ends in missing the very last train out of the station for the night, and the station will immediately become wet, cold, dirty, ect. or the most uncomfortable combination of these environments for the TSP victim.

There is a form of TSP which could be called "I don't believe it". Would be traveller arrives at station and buys ticket for (say) Liverpool. Asks when and where it leaves and is given the information by the booking office. Goes on to concourse and looks at destination display, which confirms the information. Goes to designated platform and asks rail company empoyee where the Liverpool train will arrive - rail employee confirms the information. Awaits train which, when it arrives, says "Liverpool" on the front. Meanwhile, public address announces the Liverpool train in this platform, at this time. Asks the conductor, "Is this the Liverpool train?" Told that it is, our intrepid traveller finally boards the train. Conductor announces that this is the Liverpool train, calling at Liverpool, closes the doors and gives the driver the signal to go. The train starts to move, and our voyager turns to the passenger in the next seat and asks me, "Does this train go to Liverpool?" Of course I always say no.

rofl

I recently spent a total of 6 days on trains, in two 3-day installments, and discovered a whole new range of psychoses having to do with sleeping berths. Practically every one of the Amtrak trains will attempt to make up time while travelling straight stretches at night, and half the trains I travelled had some straightaways to pelt along. I would lie there feeling the speed, quite convinced that the wheels were actually about to leave the track, we were going so fast.

And I only tried an upper berth once, on a double decker sleeping car. Never again. For a more detailed account of my train experiences, I refer you to my journal on my home page -- not the most recent entry, but the two before that.

When combined with the Lost Things Psychosis, this can lead to:

a) Staring out of the window as your hat/umbrella/bicycle glides silently past, attached firmly to the station you are now leaving.

b) Staring into the window as your hat/umbrella/bicycle glides silently past, attached firmly to the train that is now leaving you.

c) Waiting in a station for ten minutes for the marriage of two trains into one, or the divorce of one into two, then deciding to get a newspaper from the vendor that is just outside the door, and then repeating b) as the train suddenly departs unannounced.

If the property is a fairly generic item, I recommend going to the lost property office and asking "has anyone perchance handed in a hat/umbrella/bicycle?". Invariably there will be over a hundred of each and the duty managers will be more than happy to let you take one off their hands.

Simon.

When combined with the Lost Things Psychosis, this can lead to:

a) Staring out of the window as your hat/umbrella/bicycle glides silently past, attached firmly to the station you are now leaving.

b) Staring into the window as your hat/umbrella/bicycle glides silently past, attached firmly to the train that is now leaving you.

c) Waiting in a station for ten minutes for the marriage of two trains into one, or the divorce of one into two, then deciding to get a newspaper from the vendor that is just outside the door, and then repeating b) as the train suddenly departs unannounced.

If the property is a fairly generic item, I recommend going to the lost property office and asking "has anyone perchance handed in a hat/umbrella/bicycle?". Invariably there will be over a hundred of each and the duty managers will be more than happy to let you take one off their hands.

Simon.

Variant to play in airports, generally inducing paranoia. Situation: everyone is sitting in the lounge area waiting for their plane. The fun thing is to get out tickets or a passport etc and examine them closely as if checking details of time or location. Then return them to your bag. The interesting thing is watching the group of travellers around you start to doubt themselves and check their own bags to make sure they do actually have the items necessary to get onto the plane.

When you're satisfied with this group of fellow travellers and their posession of documentation, it's probably time to move to a new lounge area and start the process all over again! Enjoy.