h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use the Paris Metro at half past eight on a Monday Morning, especially with heavy luggage. There are some very unpleasent people on at that time.

You mean, APART from those dreadful buskers who jump on when you least expect it, begin with an announcement to all and sundry about how they were killed in the war and are only doing this because three of their children have Spina Bifida, perform some appalling song on an out of tune guitar while an accomplice hits on you for dosh and then jump off three stops later? There are worse people than that?!

Well, see, if you are on a jam packed train, with a large suitcase preventing any movement, you are at the mercy of all sorts of perverts and weirdos. I am sure it is not just Paris, but it was there that the foul deed was comitted. I was young as well, which made it difficult to turn round and smack him one.

Anyway, enough of my sordid history, let us talk about flowers, chickens or other things I am sure we can find gamboling around Paris.

Okay, so there are worse people than that. But you obviously didn't have the advantage of a Scots accent, which, if used loudly, and particularly if you sound drunk a la Rab C Nesbitt, scares the shit out of the French. Even doing this in jest for some mates just about cleared a Metro carriage for us.

It is my parents fault I tell you. If we hadn't moved about so much, I would have developed the appropriate burr. Also my Gran went to finishing school, so wouldn't let me use words like "dinae" and "heid". Also, as I was only five foot four at the time, it added to the problem.
Seven years in Glasgow has improved matters now, mind, and I can at least reasonably fake it.

Incidently, I was once told, by a guy from New Brunswick (Maritime Canada), that, were I to visit his home town, my Scots accent would make a very big impression with the ladies, provided I kept my mouth shut. ! ! !

Of course, sorry - I forgot it was you that loaned us the basement of Glasgow Central for the Open Hedgehog Bowling Championships. But in any case I want women to love me for my body, not just for my accent. As far as getting felt up (or worse) in the Metro goes, I'm sure that's a crowded transportation hazard throughout the world. Except maybe Antartica.

a) As long as women love you, who cares about the reasons.
b) Surely Antartica would be worse. You just try keeping out of their way when you are stuck in the same cabin for six months.
You are probably right about it happening everywhere, but they did ask for my impressions of Paris. It is the only place where it has happened to me.



Oi, no more of this Metro stuff. More of the women loving me would be nice though.

True. Let's stick to Paris, then, and maybe fantasise about being loved by Parisienne women for the cute way we roll our R's.

Careful, I may have to go for a cold shower soon. Or should that be showerrrrrrrr.

Can you direct me to Glagow Central?

The open hedgehog bowling championship sounds fun? Has it finished or is the game still on?

The Hedgehog Bowling was a conversation to be found under the article Bubble Wrap, rather obviously. I am currently on the slow machine, so can't be arsed waiting the three days it would require to find the URL. I shall look it up on a faster machine later, if you don't find it first. I believe it came to a halt due to the SSPCA complaining about a certain Vestboy and his weasels. There was a horse involved somewhere as well.

Ah well, as the old saying goes; "I must, I must, increase my screen resolution"

Thanks I will find it.

It's under the heading Bubble Wrapping Stations

Once again, no doubt obvious

Hi Peta, yes the OHBC looked like it was going to be fun when it was just Maisie and me, and then all these rough boys and girls from the next street came along and it all got out of hand. I blame the parents. It became too much like real life - when a sport gets big it needs a regulatory body, and we didn't manage to set one up in time before the injuries started. And now Maisie hasn't spoken to me for weeks, and I'm just a shell of a hedgehog, dragging my drunken dishevelled body from forum to forum moaning to anyone who'll listen about how great I could have been. DO YOU HEAR ME, H2G2?! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER! *sound echoes away down Metro tunnel, Parisians on the platform shuffle nervously*

Oh, and Munchkin, d'you reckon there's any mileage in having the forums load the other way i.e. latest post first? And while we're at it, it could load only the last 10 posts or so, and have a button for "view whole thread", although that might only encourage the emerging practice of leaping in with something irrelevant having come late to the conversation and not bothering to read it from the top.

I definately vote for loading newest first. Luckily I am on the fast computer at the mo', but yesterday was hell on the slow one. Of course, then I discovered that no-one had set up the cache. Doh!
As to last ten only and irrelevance, when have we noticed that much relevance in the first place? That said, I find the tree display, useful, lets me know what the message is replying to, when it eventually loads up.

Aha, after trekking through the wastes for days unknown I have returned, with the knowledge of the lost Hedghog Bowling safe about my person. It is my greatest regret that Carstairs did not live through the journey.
Thus, I here to present you with the location http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=21253&thread=20624
I'm off for a G&T

Alright. I concede that relevance may not be a feature of these forums. After all, this one's supposed to be about the Paris Metro, and here I am asking you about "setting up the cache". How does that help then? I speak as someone who's not evolved beyond the primordial slime when it comes to computers. And I've never understood the "tree" either. Bloody social science graduates.

Here, G&T this early in the morning? You're either an ex-naval type or the manager of some Megacorp. Of course, you may just be thirsty...

No, I was just in an Imperial mood.

Cache is Netscapes (or Internet Explorers if you subscribe to Satan's ways) way of saving time when loading up pages you go to often. Basically it saves all those interesting pictures that hang around at the top of the page to disk the first time you load up. After that, it checks the disk first, before dragging things down the phone line. I would be surprised if you don't have it running, it tends to take effort to switch it off.
Mine here had just been set to allocate 0Kb of space for the purpose!

Confused or enlightened? Possibly just bored? I'm off to the bank, whatever.

Enlightened thanks. But a quick trawl through the Anti-Christ's options didn't reveal any way to adjust the cache size. Reckon I'll just leave well alone anyway - I'm about last in the building just now and the thing's going like greased lightning at the moment, so must be the amount of server traffic during office hours. See ya in two weeks, I'm off on hols to Cork, Ireland.