h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Whatever you do, hitchhikers, if you manage to grab one of these little b*stards in a tissue or paper towel, DO NOT squeeze it if you can still see any of the body sticking out of the towel.

I made this mistake recently, and I was hit squarely on my BOTTOM LIP with a pus-colored fluid.

I was so traumatized by that event, that I packed up my belongings and moved.

A friendly warning from me to you.

The Traveller
ISO-9001 Certified

I suppose the good news is that at least your mouth was shut.

Loon(atic)y

You should have slipped your tongue around your bottom lip and savoured the nutritious delicacy!!

If you are from Japan that is!!

Mmm - lovely!
Good job I wasn't eating when I read this

Azimuth

Eewww! Well, did you have your mouth shut???

I suppose that serves you right for picking on a small (almost)defencless beastie! Ya great big bully!

Defencless!!!

I think not....

Those things are one of the most heavily armoured, speediest and chemical resistant beasties on the planet!!

I come from Kwa-Zulu Natal in South Africa, the home of the notorious 'Natal Tuffie' the four and a half centimeter monster. Way to kill Tuffie: Hobnail boots, Safety boot etc. jump up and down on, repeat as necessary. Place under rock (big), burn rock.

That's it! You're all a bunch of bullying sadists..... Poor wee beasties - what have they ever done to you?

I'll have you know that my best friend is the cockroach character who played the baddie in "Men In Black" and I'm going to tell on you lot!
*Gwennie produces a 'phone and starts to dial....*

If you are fortunate enough to corner one of these hoeeible creatures near the kitchen sink grab the bottle of dishsoap and quickly draw a circle around said insect.

Cockroaches arent too keen on soap.

Watch him (with a hideously evil grin) as he tries to walk over the oozy-green liquid. His little feet get goop all ovet them and he retreats to the center of the circle.

Conyinue to add moe soap arornd the roach and progressively make the circle smaller. Watch the panicked insect for a bit and then cover him with a generous squirt.

It may take a couple of minutes for him to stop his squirming.

I think I have too much time on my hands...

I must learn to spell. I apologise for the above....

Never mind spelling, you should be more compassionate toward your fellow creatures! Tsk! Tsk! Shame on you! I suggest you go and give yourself a sound spanking!

A spanking is entirely out of the question!
A cockroach is a little bug. At least it is where I'm from. So I consider it a "little" murder. Barely significant. I am happy to report,though, my home is virtualy pest free. Except for that damn squirril living in the wall in my bedroom...but that's another story.

I don't like crawlie things.

Ah, so we're experiencing hallucinations of squirrels in our bedroom wall now, are we? *Gwennie does a crawlie thing impersonation and scampers over* Perhaps you're subconsciously experiencing guilt for murdering cockroaches......and I suppose you want to kill this also??

Dish soap will not kill a beastie!!

He was just playing dead to fool you......and it worked!!

They are imune to radiation, so a little soap he's not worried about!!!

Guilt? What's that?

If the cockroach menace is not stopped now we won't stand a chance. For now the cockroach sits and bides its time, waiting for the ideal moment to strike...

I will not bow down to a cockroach Overlord!

As for the squirril, I don't want it dead. There has, however, been a rather strong funk lingering in the air for the last couple of days. I think he was trapped and starved to death.

Eeeww! Not nice! I don't think he would have been trapped. I mean if he got in, it is quite possible he could find his way out the same way. Still, at least your pet cockroaches will clean up the carcass if his body is still there...... See, they have their uses!!!

My college roommate in Houston, Texas, USA, years ago came up with a novel method of killing cockroaches. This was in an apartment where a cockroach once asked us what we were doing in HIS apartment. My roommate would cover the roach on the wall with shaving cream - really - and it would suffocate. Problem was, when we wiped the shaving cream off - in the next week or so - we had a clean spot on the wall.

I have to ask you this question,Gwennie.....Where does this irrational admiration for the roach come from?

oh...PLEEEEAASE don't impersonate a crawlie again (it realy gives me the creeps)

Shaving cream...interesting. The only thing more frightening than a cockroach is a clean spot on the wall.

I used to work in the service department in an auto dealership. We experimented with many substances on many insects and arachnids. We had problems mainly with crickets and scorpions and tried everything out on them. The chemical that worked best was brake cleaner (the harmful, non-environmentally friendly kind). You have to be careful using it, if you inhale it you will definitly hurt! Insects breathe through their carapace/skin. One spray of brake cleaner and they will start writhing and will die within a few minutes. One good spray and they die almost instantly.
If you have to get rid of wasps it is the best thing around. Forget that anti-wasp stuff they sell at the hardware store, get a can of brake cleaner with a straw - it will shoot about ten feet. Wasps will DROP right out of the air. It also works fairly well on bees. They don't drop out of the air, or even die, but they turn around and fly full speed in the opposite direction and don't come back.
Scorpions are cool to watch, they stop in their tracks and start stinging themselves. Spiders stop cold and shrivel up. Crickets jump like crazy for a few seconds and keel over.
Okay, I'll admit we never found a cockroach to try it on, but I'd make a serious bet on it. It sure warded salesmen off, and that's as close to cockroaches as you'll find around a dealership.