h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some random quotes from the great Frank Zappa, just because I'm in a spiffy mood:

"The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business."

On Racism: "I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of times I wish I could say I'm not white."

On Parenting: "The more BORING a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being GOOD PARENTS -- because they have a TAME CHILD-CREATURE in their house."

"My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can."

"Children are naive -- they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're
asking for trouble."

On Music as a Satanic Source of Inspiration, Conspiring to Cause Young People to Do Crazy Things: "There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you DO something, we'd all love one another."

On Profanity and Censorship: "There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it."

On Freaking Out: "On a personal level, Freaking Out is a process whereby an individual casts off outmoded and restricting standards of thinking, dress, and social etiquette in order to express CREATIVELY his relationship to his immediate environment and the social structure as a whole."

On Fashion: "I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow..."

On Fashionable Trends: "The person who stands up and says, 'This is stupid,'' either is asked to 'behave' or, worse, is greeted with a cheerful 'Yes, we know! Isn't it terrific!' "

On Stupidity: "Some Scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and [stupidity] is the basic building block of the universe."

"It would be easier to pay off the national debt overnight than to neutralize the long-range effects of OUR NATIONAL STUPIDITY."

"Stupidity has a certain charm -- ignorance does not."

On the World of Music: "Jazz is not dead...it just smells funny."

On Socialization via Computers: "The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows."

On Everything Else: "Anything over a mouthful is wasted."

"Information is not knowledge, Knowledge is not wisdom, Wisdom is not truth, Truth is not beauty, Beauty is not love, Love is not music and Music is THE BEST!"

"Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass."

"Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid."

"You drank beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!"

"In the fight between you and the world, back the world."

"Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible."

"Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?"

"It's better to have something to remember than nothing to reget..."



Zappa Quote of the Day
http://www.wins.uva.nl/~robbert/zappa/quote/

"Titties and beer, man."

"I'm only interested in two things - see if you can guess what they are."
"Uh, let's see, uh.... Stravinsky?"

Smurf Meeeeeeeeee, (hu hu, hu hu)
Smurf Meeeeeeeeeeeee, (hu hu,)
Metz! (he, huhuhuhuhuhu, right howard)
right jeff, we're going for the money all the way

Yah, I knew you'd be surprized.

Like Totally.

Did any one catch the moon unit zappa joke on Austin powers?

I didn't, but my bf did.

There's three things that smells like fish;
one of them is fish.
The other two
are growing on you

naughty man

"There is no such thing as hell, There is only FRANCE!"

A couple of my all-time favourites....


"All I want is nothing. Nothing is what I want. A true Zen saying"

"Some of you might not agree, But then you probably like a lot of misery"

"Remember friends; there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over."

"In the beginning God made the light. Then he made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called man. The second mistake was called wo-man. And the third mistake was the invention of the poodle. The reason why the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a schnauser but he f****d up..."

What's the ugliest part of your body
What's the ugliest part of your body
Some say your nose
Some say your toes

But I think it's your mind....