h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Although I live in a mild climate blessed part of the frigid Great White North, I have had lots of experiences driving in very cold weather.



I will resist the temptation to sermonise about studded winter tires, bags of sand in the trunk (boot), and the easiest chains to put on tires.



Instead I will relate how to safely bumper ski.



The road must be free of sand and gravel but frozen beyond mere snow, so a country road is the best. Shoes should be in fact boots with plastic soles, some people even save old winter boots since their treads are worn smooth. The driver must accelerate slowly and smoothly and the skiers must hang on to the ends of the bumper so he or she can see them in the side mirrors (trucks seem to be a favourite). A crouched position is favoured, although the full standing ski can be achieved. As a competition a preassigned point is where the driver brakes and the skiers shoot past the vehicle, the one who goes farthest is the winner.

Needless to say this is all very dangerous, not reccomended, and totally illegal so alcohol is usually involved!

We used to do this on a frozen lake...
Also, we held contests to see how many times we could spin the car/pickup, without everyone becoming violently

That is what we used to refer to as "doing a donut", "pulling a donut", or "doing a 360". The handbrake is favoured for performing this manouver. It isn't recommended for a city street unless at a secluded intersection that is wide enough to accommodate a 360.

Practicing in a parking lot is a good idea before attempting this on a street.

I don't mean to be a party-pooper, but a helmet is a darn good idea for "bunking".

Forgot... we called it "Bunking".

'Doing a donut' operating a motorcycle is performed from a standstill, and involves locking the front brake, throttling up enthusiastically whilst pivoting on one foot, spinning the rear wheel thus scorching the tire and leaving a circular pattern on the pavement..
In a car, it is difficult to do a donut from a standstill, and usually one must accelerate to an appropriate velocity, then brake hard, thus tranferring the vehicle's weight forward, simultaneously jerking the steering wheel either left or right, which causes the rear wheels to skid. Then one must immediately throttle hard, causing one or both wheels to spin, leaving a circular skid pattern; two if the car is equipped with a limited slip differential, one larger circle enclosing the other..
'ice circles' as performed on a frozen lake or other large, flat, slippery surface, involve getting the car up to speed, then turning the wheel to induce a series of linked spins. The right combination of traction and lack thereof allows one to spin indefinitely, at least until one runs out of room, or fuel or succumbs to nausea
Apparently these hijinks are similar to what aliens do on a grander scale in various fields the world over

Do the aliens have bumper skiers?

Notice the skisticks as it hurtles down the mountain towards you

I have to say that I would have more success skiing with booted feet, on a flat surface, behind a vehicle than I do doing on skis while being propelled down a hill at what usually ends up being close to the speed of light (that is until I either fall over or hit something or somebody, or trip on my skis).

The last time I went doewnhill skiing was back in 1978-79. I fell all the way down Mt. Tremblant and was black abnd blue and ached for two weeks afterwards.

I guess there aren't any things to hold on to on a saucer, anyway...

No one has ever actually *seen* aliens bumper skiing, but they leave these mysterious patterns all over the planet... The patterns are found in almost any large, flat area, including snow and sand, but for some reason, they prefer to bumper ski in fields of grain, such as wheat fields...
Some researchers call these mysterious patterns 'crop circles',( A724204 ), and speculate about mysterious forces, or alien attempts to communicate or something..
Bosh! If they can cross vast interstellar space, they could certainly manage a letter to the Times, or email everyone or something!!
The Truth is, the aliens are not at all interested in communicating, and simply enjoy messing with our heads. And they are very fond of bumper skiing with their flying saucers
But I digress, and this thread is really about winter driving... My winter driving technique is to avoid it if at all possible. The best vehicle for winter driving is a horse-drawn sled....