h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Canus Major was the original alpha dog.

Canis say something about Latin spelling? Canis, not canus.

[Canus means old age, or gray hair]

The Dog Star Sirius, in the constellation Canis Major
BUT! no lampposts in space

Also no fire hydrants. It's a Sirius problem for them.

"This is the best tea I've ever tasted!"

"That's our Australian blend."

"Australian! How are they to grow tea there?"

"They use koalas. Koala droppings are an important fertilizer. No tea gets shipped until a koala tastes it. It's koala tea control."

When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed. The accident was a Fender bender.

I've never enjoyed paperback books: their blend of wooden characters and watered-down plots makes them pulpy.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.

An astronaut broke the law of gravity and got a suspended sentence.

An astronomer who fails on a weightlessness experiment must be aware of the gravity of the situation.

I asked my servants to bring me some nutmeg, but they brought mace instead. I put them in a rocket because they seemed to like outer spice.

the astronaut did an experiment with gravity, he tried pouring it on his roast beef and veg

No matter how kind you are, German children are Kinder

She worked as an executive for the regional railways and rode on the gravy train. She has a good job where she put gravy on her Yorkshire pudding and roast beef while others were still eating boiled potatoes with no added gravy.

What the police said to the bootlegger: “You can rum , but you can't hide!”

I looked at the asphalt and remembered that there once was grass there, lawn lawn ago.

After the pirates left Treasure island, they retired to the suburbs, where Lawn John Silver still does work in his yard.

nipples are not far eastern kids

Who wrote about mechanical pirates?

Robot Louis Dtevenson