The Doughnuts Are Not Enough
Created | Updated Jun 20, 2003
h2g2's cumulative improv story, also known as a round robin, about The Doughnuts Are Not Enough,
a parody of James Bond, has gone funny and successful!
Those participating up to the credits:
The story (edited for clarity):
Demon Drawer a.k.a. James Bond appears on a mountain not dissimilar to Mt.
Sandcastle on a ski-doo as he jumps over a ridge. Not far behind is Eomando,
dodging enemy fire; she hurries to catch up with Bond, hoping he realizes
she's not the enemy.
Bond and E stop at the edge of a forest. A small trickle of snow crosses
their path. They look up, and Dancing Ermine drops out of the tree he's been
hiding in watching the chase, glad to see that the helicopter was waiting for
them.
However, the helicopter pilot definitely isn't one of Q's men as he opens
fire from his machine gun mountings. Bond pushes the others down the slope
and skis backwards firing his trusty PPK.
Dodging more bullets, E is suddenly glad that Bond's such a good shot as she
hears the helicopter pilot scream and fall out of the helicopter, only for 12
black clad skiers to emerge from the right.
DE hides behind the nearest tree and leaps out at the first skier landing on
top of him. There is a sickening crunch. 11 black-clad skiers continue down
the mountain.
Bluebottle, the evil henchman who is so hard to kill he is insured and has a
pension scheme, has spotted them. Meanwhile, Bond dispatches two more by
inserting ski poles in their path. They leap 10 feet in the air and land
with a clump. Only 9 black-clad skiers remain.
DE dons skis from downed skier, seizes gun, and follows the mountain down
after the others. Bond skis up to cable car support strut, grabs a hold, and
swings around. He catches one of the baddies with his skis and gets another
with his fist as he skis past unexpectedly. 7 to go...
Two black-clad skiers turn off to chase down E and DE follows close behind
gaining slowly on them. Stopping next to Bond, E pulls out her gun and takes
aim. Only 6 left...
The six split off three and three. Bond follows the ones to the left,
stopping only to pick up a martini shaken, not stirred, and E goes right.
The two skiers close on E from her blind side, DE turns his stolen weapon to
automatic fire, mowing them down before they pull the trigger. Two corpses
roll to a stop by E's feet.
The evil henchman, Bluebottle, observes this coolly through binoculars from a
distance, and jots down notes on a laptop.
E closes in on a skier, takes aim and fires, notices two skiers by her
feet and makes a mental note to thank DE later, then turns to see how Bond's
doing, then goes to help. Bond pursues the remaining two henchmen
onto the Bobsleigh track. Swishing right and left the henchmen can't get off
a clean shot. Bond adjusts his watch and aims at the final house. A laser
beam sets fire to the support struts and falls on the henchmen. Bond
collects a briefcase from one of their outstretched arms and meets up with E
and DE who head off toward the beach below.
Opening Credits role
For the rest of the story, go
here.
