h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One of my colleagues had a birthday last week.

There are about five of us in the team, and we have he highly offensive habit of buying a birthday cake, which no-one likes, grouping round the victim's desk, which no-one likes, and generally making a fuss, which no-one likes.

Dave's birthday was last week and he took the whole week off to avoid the cake / candle / congregation of colleagues thing, and we just lay in wait until he got back and did all the baloney today instead.

wtf?

I mean...

What The Fuscia?

We are, individually, reasonably sane adults; two of us are overweight, two of the others are insane gym bunnies, and two seem entirely sane. So why are we doing this whole cake / candle / card rigmarole? Over half the cake was still on top of the confidential waste recycling box when I left at 6:00 this evening.

For my next birthday I am going to call bullshit on this - http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped-gardeners/OU5023AG

B

Sounds like a quite reasonable tradition. I mean 6 times a year? If you just started buying cake people liked...?

*shudder* was it Terry Pratchett that described this sort of thing as a 'proffering with embarrassment' ceremony? That is how I think of them since I read that. I tried to have both my babies unexpectedly early (didn't work) just to avoid everyone suddenly gathering around my desk at 3pm on the last official day in the office.

We have some new graduates just started who have, with much jollity, got a list of everyone's birthday and will be coming round with an envelope shortly before each birthday to collect money to buy a gift. There will be a presentation and a card *shudder*. I will have to change my work days every year to avoid being in the office on my birthday...

Santra, I don't think it is the taste of the cake that is the problem - I *hate* it when there are team cakes/biscuits/sweets as you feel like a misery guts for saying no thanks, then don't enjoy eating it as I know that it will represent about half the calories I had earmarked for dinner.

I hate it, too- I can't eat most bakery cakes, which makes the indignity of being embarrassed in front of a bunch of people I hardly know (several of whom I don't even like) all that much more irritating.

Pretty much the day I joined my current place of employment, I LOUDLY announced I had food intolerances and weird eating habits. End of problem.

It also means that no matter how much I DO want to, I can't eat cake unless I brought it with me. Heigh ho.

Someone must organise this - can they be spoken to and alternatives looked at? In my small office the PA gets birthday cards, which we all sign in an appropriately amusing manner. Individuals will occasionally buy buns or cake or scones, roughly once a month. But we know what our preferences are. And no-one takes offence if one of us goes "no, not today ta!"

In Germany it's the birthday person who is the host. In our office (about 20 of us) this usually takes the form of a home-baked cake placed in the kitchen for people to take a slice when they get their coffee. That is, at least two oven tray-size cakes. But at least half of us put French sticks and a cheeseboard, or even savoury canapés out instead, which always goes down well.

Because I have a winter birthday, I was thinking of putting a huge pot of soup or stew on the (unfortunately rather tiny) hob, for everyone to ladle themselves a portion out of. In this case, I send an e-mail round the afternoon before, warning people that they needn't bring a packed lunch the next day.

Only recently did we stop gathering round a table to have a proper "party", when the boss noticed that during that time the telephones were completely unmanned.

Only recently too has the obligatory been omitted - more or less voluntarily.

The whole thing is neither embarrassing nor does it create any animosity. If someone doesn't bring anything, no one has a problem with that either.

we used to have a sort of ad-hoc thing where we put EUR 2 in and got a present and card from all of us (usually some kind of gift certificate) when it got so that the birthday person was getting EUR 60 we reduced it to EUR 2 and gave people the option of not joining in (so we collect only from people who are also happy to give)

That way everyone gets a little present - and of course they bring cake. But with so many of us we usually get together with other people with birthdays in the same month.

For us early December ones we bring things in for a kind of breakfast buffet (including sparkling wine) but now there are so many of us in december that even though I'm an early month baby, I am going in with those at the end of the month

It's quite nice, the present is currently around EUR 30, although the cake is shared with everyone even the guys from the parent company who don't join in with buying the present but eat loads of the cake...

Here also the birthday person is the host, not everywhere, though. Our office has 7 people w*rking for them, so it's not much of a fuss, except that those who actually sit in the office are minority. Anyway, over the years cakes get less and less popular, salty stuff get priority. Usually I bring a fish-. (Made of bread, mayonnaise, salted salmon or anchovy and some other things. Looks like cake, tastes like sandwich.) Collecting money was stopped at some point, and no alcohol is allowed. So it's usually flowers.

For me it's dependant on the workplace and how currently comfortable I am with my weight.

I spent the whole four years I was at RM not sharing my birthday (and nobody twigged that I had the 4th of April off every year) because there was nobody there I particularly felt like sharing with.

At G4S I did share my birthday (literally, in an office of 25 people there was someone else with the same birthday) and there was much cake and jollity.

If I'm for whatever reason Not Eating Cake as I am occasionally wont to do I just say straight up that I'm not going to eat any and will challenge any perceptions of being a misery guts by simply not being a misery guts.

At my w*rk, the company pays for the cake, but only on special occasions, which would be if you've turned a full decade older or w*rked for the company for X number of full decades. The cake is accompanied by a bunch of flowers and a gift of some kind.

My current employer does the same as my former employer- at least at our office. One cake (or treats) on a specific day for every birthday that month. No gifts or cards. Makes it easier to avoid it all by just being too busy that day to wander over. At least they don't sing and all that annoying crap they did at the old place.

We are supposed to provide cakes on our own birthday but it isn't enforced...except I suspect it will be a bit more expected if there is this gift-and-card-giving nonsense. Gods I hope there is no singing.

our company buys a small gift for people who are under the level of Assistant. Usually they choose a book or something from Amazon.

It happens in our place too, but what's worse is that we work right next to the bestestest pub in town, and a lot of other pretty good ones, too. So sneaky, quick, hit-and-run retreats to pubs sometimes happen throughout the day if it's a big day.

Most places I've worked it's the birthday person who brings stuff in. I attempt to bring in stuff that isn't just biscuits and cakes, but it actually works out pretty expensive. It tends to go down better though.

Thankfully in my current job there's only really two of us so we tend to ignore the whole thing.

Um, I bake my own stuff because I want to avoid sugar and transfats. I make cakes that are naturally sweetened with spices, fruits, and fruit juices. They're low in fat, and they have extra protein from vegetable sources. It's taken me thirty years to perfect this formula.

That said, it sounds as though the people in Ben's office have mutually exclusive tastes, making it hard to come up with one solution that pleases everyone. Consider: two are overweight, while two are "gym bunnies." Those in the former category might want to limit any extra calories. Those in the latter category might be able to work off the calories from the cake, though they might prefer health food, which store-bought cakes are not. The cake ends up half-eaten. So, someone is eating it. Why deny pleasure to those who enjoyed the cake? Maybe a possible solution would be to bring four to six frosted cupcakes, each with one candle. Some people will skip them entirely. Maybe others will eat two each.

If you want to avoid the whole unpleasantness over what gets eaten, you might celebrate birthdays with cards and balloons. Just a thought.

Balloons - even they can cause problems. My daughter-in-law has a massive phobia of anything that goes "bang"

I agree that balloons *can* cause problems. This is why you need to know your colleagues well. Ben knows her co-workers. The rest of us don't. If her co-workers are not afraid of balloons, it might work. If any of them are, or if any of them dislike balloons (for whatever reason), it won't work.

All I'm doing is brainstorming. Most of the things I suggest could fall flat on their faces. Maybe one or two ideas will work, though. That's what I'm hoping for.