h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah..I suppose love triangles are a little unrealistic, hmm?

*s everybody in sight*

Thanks, njan. Your words are so comforting (and make me , but that's because I can't take compliments).

Hell, I'm only 18, I shouldn't get too hung up about it!

Yeh! You never know VIP, I might come and marry you one day You can be the bride though. I'll be quite happy in the top hat and tails...

Oh good. I do so *love* people all dressed up, and it means I get to wear a pwetty white dress...

.. I can imagine the wedding now.

Actually, in all seriousness, I'm not really bothered about getting married. All those people *staring* at me. And having to recite stuff. Nah. I'd rather spend the money on a nice holiday, or films, or stuff.

aww.. I want to get married.

And incidentally, hardly anyone should ever get married in tails and a top hat; that's morningdress, that is; depends what time your wedding is, what you're allowed to wear.

The only reason I would want to get married is to throw a huge party and to return the favour my sister did to me by making her wear a tiny strappy bridesmaids dress in sub-zero conditions...Oh well I've ruined that frock now

Oh and to get the presents

ooops...sorry - very bad manners to dump a big pile of cynicism in the romantic thread.

The problem I've found with weddings is that they are usually *too* focussed on the bride and groom...meaning that sometimes they're the only people who seem to be enjoying themselves...as an obsessional party planner that just jars with me....so the big party would be a party for our friends/rellies more than for us...and that means cash...which is why the wedding is on hold until my salary hits the £28,000 threshold (ambitious I know but this is going to be a *massive* party with accommadation for everyone paid for and provided and lots of eating drinking and merrymaking).

Although it's tempting just to hire out alton towers for a day...although I don't know of any officials who would be willing to ride on oblivion

No problem - a healthy dose of cynicism never hurt romance. Or was that a healthy dose of romance never hurt cynicism? I forget.

*nods*.. there is that. Having said that, most people have weddings which seem to me to be either far too extravagant or far too expensive, or both. I maintain that I could organise a delightful wedding for minimum budget; although that may just be my inner backstage-crew pleb speaking; I did become rather an expert at one point at getting things done as cheaply as possible. .. I just don't think that weddings require proscenium arches and fake blood (), although now that I think about it.. *plots*

.. although it would cost a bombshell.

OH the actual party bit probably wouldn't cost abomb...but I would want to provide a bed for the night for everyone...I don't want it to cost other people a lot of money to come to my wedding.

I've been to a lot of weddings where they've spent a rediculous amount of cash on things I consider a waste...the best wedding I went to was my uncles - it was in the club he plays football for in autumn and they provided a massive bowl of chilli(actually 2 bowls one hot one mild) and plenty of bread and water. And there was a lot of money behind the bar.

My sisters wedding was awful...everyone had to travel and they had it early in the day (11am) so some people missed the ceremony. Noone really knew what was going on. The hotel was average (but cost my parents a fortune...would have been better in a travellodge). Again it was winter but she insisted on us bridesmaids wearing rediculously flimsy dresses (she was very annoyed when I told her I would be wearing longjohns underneath). The photographer didn't have a clue...especially when he tried to force my autistic cousin to stand still and smile at the camera . I'd asked for hubby to be on the same table as me so I could give him a hand if he needed it (usually only stupid things like buttering bread rolls but if you can't do it and there is noone you trust to ask it can ruin your day)...he was on the same table but they'd put him on the other side....again she got annoyed when I rearranged the place cards.

Don't get me wrong I love my sister to bits but she couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery without making everyone feel uncomfortable...it felt like all of the guests where just props for *her* day...and I know there is an element of that at all weddings it just seemed a bit too selfish to me.

Anyhow - rant over...the best thing was I took note of everything she did and did the complete opposite at our next party and it was great

*nods sagely*.. fair enough. What would you do at your ideal wedding, where would you have it?

One of my sets of uncle/aunts, on my mother's side, decided to have their wedding in japan, and half of the family had to fly cathay pacific out there to spend 2 weeks at the ceremony. .. that didn't make anyone particularly happy, from what I'm aware of. Strange family politics. On the other hand, the other set on my mother's side were married with a pair of their friends simultaneously on holiday somewhere sunny.. and neglected to invite anyone in the family; from what we can see, they did it on a whim. .. I'm hoping I manage to break with family tradition.

Idea wedding....madonna went and nicked it (sort of) but it was my plan first.

Hire out a huge statley home complete with full kitchens and invite everyone to come a stay for a free holiday/week long party. Provide full time caterers so *everyone* gets a holiday and time to relax. Have a wedding day either at the start or the end of the week, on a saturday at 3pm with the reception lasting all night. If the house isn't big enough for everyone get a bunch of those big static caravans installed so that families wanting a bit more personal space can have it. Employ a couple of excellent child minders/nannies for the whole week so that anyone who needs a break can get it and so the kids all have a fun time playing together too.

I'd also like to install a big playground with adult sized swings and rope slides and other cool stuff...just got a mental image of running round like a nutter in a wedding dress.

I'd also like to arrange the weather so that it's sunny too...or else make sure that the house is near lots of tourist attractions so noone gets bored.

The house would have unending free booze...and a big lounge with lots of jigsaws and board games and other stuff that helps people who don't know each other very well connect. Also a room set aside with a big tv and dvd player and a stash of films...and somewhere soundproof a set of decks for hubby and his friends to play with

Obviously - a bit too expensive even if I was earning £28,000...but a scaled down version would be feasable...well might be feasable....well it'd be worth a try.

Now I *really* can't be arsed to get married. I guess I would if the other person wanted to, but so much stress over a bloody ritual.

sod the ritual - start the party

I think the alton towers idea would probably be cheaper and less stressfull...if it got too much I could always go and hide on the swan ride

I just think it's way too much bother for a piece of paper...

I dunno...I wouldn't do it for the paper...I'd do it so I could call hubby my husband rather than my boyfriend...there isn't a nice term for "long term partner" and I really hate that hubby is technically in the same catagory as a bloke I'd just met and shagged a couple of times

Oh and the presents

What, a bunch of toasters? Does anyone actually get any decent wedding presents?

"Oh congratulations on shagging according to Christian moral guidelines; have a multi-surface, flexible, dual-heating element sandwich grill"



Cynicism is good for filling time.

Ooooh...I want a sqishy-downy-sandwich toaster thing for making paninis (squished lumps of french bread filled with molten mozzarella)

And I think I want a rice cooker

Actually I wonder if you can get away with asking for gift vouchers for a wedding present...either that or every single thing sold by john lewis - especially the leather hippo paperweight thingies they're selling for £60...gorgeous.

I'm doing a portrait of a couple that Tom and I know, if I remember to ask for good photos... I know! I'll email and ask while I'm thinking of it!

And we got about 100 glasses...