h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've booked a cross channel journey from Dover to Boulogne on Speed Ferries. Then on via paris to a place south of Bourges for a week with friends and a week... well a week doing... erm the second week is still for decisions but its a holiday and we're going to love it.

Apparently our friends who have bought a place in the middle of nowhere are happy to announce that it is described as "dismal" in the Rough Guide. So that means they'll not be fighting off British tourists for a good while yet.

They are converting a farmhouse and buildings into their new other home. It sounds like bloomin' hard work and I am to be roped in (maybe literally) to help raise a huge beam that will support a ceiling, or floor, or roof or something. Anyway they tell me it's jolly huge and they are lucky to have a friend fo my proportions to act as a counter weight for the other end of the block and tackle.

What's the Fench for, "I don't do heights."

*Gives Vestie a parachute*

Vestie? You are going to block someone's tackle?

That is worrying.

I only really know 'La sange et sur la branche' in French. It might come in handy if you spot any mammals while you're up there.

Sounds exciting, fun and terrifying all at the same time.

Have fun!

The ferry was a bit more than our friends led us to believe but it works out at about £10 per person each way so that's not too bad really. Has anyone been on the catamaran before? Should I wear sea boots and a sou'wester?

If there is more than a slight swell, especially the French side (which is always more rough than the English side) take some sea-sickness pills. Catamarans and Hovercraft are not as stable as Ferries. Having lived in Ramsgate for 20 years and crossed 'The Sleeve' many times and in all weather conditions, give me a Ferry any time (and that includes the Tunnel )

I used to work in Dover but hardly ever went across. We used to try and get jobs on the ferries for the lads I worked with. they'd be well fed and have cabin and be too "tired" to do anything naughty when work finished.

"Je n'aime pas les choses qui sont en haut ... ni les bateaux qui vont 'wwwwooooo, weeeeeee, weeeeeurgh' et me font malade"

All set!

Merde. C'est le mal de mer!!!!

Someone said I would be ok when I got my seal eggs. Sainsbury's don't do them so I'm hoping they sell them on the cat.

I would have thought they'd be IN the cat

You're probably right.

We've just found out that the village we are going to is exactly on the crease in the map. The little o that marks it's exact location on the Michelin map is split asunder by the foldy bit.