h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I grew up around death. My mother's side of the family were Irish Catholics and had the large families typically associated with them, my father's side were English Protestants and bred like the Catholics from my mother's side. By the time I started secondary school though there weren't that many left. By the time I left secondary school there were very few older than my parents that were still on this mortal coil.

Death seemed to be kept busy with my relatives, with causes ranging from the odd old age to the far too common cancer and the hereditary Picks Disease that plagues the women on my dad's side. Most of my early memories are of funerals, which probably explains my morbidly dark sense of humour, and I really have lost count of how many I've been to. The first time my wife met my family was at my aunt's funeral. Since then there's been a few more.

My mother seems to be bucking the trend though, she's had 13 bouts with cancer and has come out on top each time. She jokes that there's more parts of her in jars in the hospital than still on her. A couple of years ago my dad too was diagnosed with early skin cancer and they cut out a few lumps from his arm. Not surprising really as he's always been a sun worshiper, out basking in the heat any chance he could get.

But it looks like there's going to be another funeral, possibly soon. A few weeks ago my brother was diagnosed as having skin cancer, and they wanted to get him in to do a full set of tests to see how far it had gone. On Monday though he was rushed into hospital with severe stomach pains. It seems that the cancer had spread to his liver and spleen, and who knows where else. The doctors initial thoughts are it's beyond operable, and very likely beyond chemo. I won't know until later today, maybe tomorrow, how bad it is. But it looks like he won't be leaving the hospital any time soon, if ever.

I grew up around death, but it appears I'm not as immune to it as I thought. This has really hit me hard, a lot harder than when my mother was diagnosed, each time she was, or when my father was. It could be that it's because my brother is only just over a year older than me, but I don't think so. I don't know why it's hitting me, but it is.

It's hitting you because it does. Thoughts and prayers go with you. I know that punch-in-the-stomach feeling.

So sorry to hear about your brother's illness. I'm from a large family, and we've all been really healthy, touch wood. But I know when the time comes I lose one of my siblings, I'll feel it the way you are. I send you and your family my very best wishes.

Of course it's going to affect you my dear friend!

I don't know many families that haven't been touched (blighted) by cancer.

With each passing, whether friend or family member, your own life changes irrevocably.

I feel your pain, know I'm thinking of you and your family


Annie/GB

That's tough. My love to you and to his family too.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your brother's family.

Thanks all. I've just spoken to him and he sounds pretty chipper while being resigned to it.

For a guy who's been told he's not only got skin cance, but that it's spread to liver, spleen and lung, he's holding together well.

Wow, he sounds like an amazing person, Pastey.

Is there a hospice program he can transfer to? Hospices are generally nicer places than hospitals.

Thanks all, I'm still not sure I've come to terms with it, even after a night's sleep.

The stomach pains have receded so they've sent him home with my parents.
He's back in hospital today to have a bit more of the skin cancer cut out, and he should find out on the 15th if they're going to try chemotherapy. It's primary in his skin, but has spread secondary to his liver, spleen and lungs. So chemo isn't likely to succeed.

It feels like whatever I try to say will just make everyone sadder. But I think of you, and I hope it won't be too painful for any of you.

I'm so sorry, Pastey. This is brutal news. I can relate to what you said about death in family. I can also relate to dealing with cancer up close. I live near Houston, Texas which features one of the premier cancer treatment centers in the U.S. That and the fact that my mother is a retired nurse (and even though I'm not religious, a saint) meant that when relatives from other regions were diagnosed with cancer, a couple of them were invited to stay with us while they went through treatment in Houston. (While it wasn't cancer, I've also gone through tumor treatment at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.)

I'm glad to hear they've let your brother return home. I'm also glad they've decided to forgo chemo. While chemotherapy has helped many people recover, for those that have well metastasized cancers it really isn't worth it. One of the folks that stayed with us was one of my uncles. He had been treated for cancer, radiation and chemo, twice before. After his second stay with us, his doctors had declared his cancer in remission. 6 months later on a routine follow up appointment they discovered that his cancer had metastasized throughout his body. His doctors recommended against further treatment but he went through it anyway. Besides the financial devastation this left his wife, (U.S.) the chemo destroyed him. It gave him maybe three more months of life but the last month he couldn't even recognize his children. He was a ghost.

I feel for you. But I'm glad that your brother isn't going to have to suffer through chemo needlessly. He isn't gone yet. Enjoy what life he has with him.

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I hope that his tests show he's got a fighting chance with some chemo.

(BG that was a simpost - written before I saw what you'd posted)

Sorry, I misread your post above. I read it as they had decided against chemo. If they decide for it, I hope that means they expect a good chance of remission.

Thanks all.

Yes, they'll let him know on the 15th whether it's worth trying chemo, but it seems that they don't think it will be. Who knows though, it might be worth a shot.

Oh Pastey

Mol