h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(I think only a few of the people subscribed to this journal will know what I'm talking about, but these people are important enough for me to post this. So I am.)




In Jewish tradition, on Yom Kippur – Day of Atonement – you fast and pray, in order for your sins to be forgiven. But that only takes care of the business you have with God; if you have sinned against your fellow man, you need to go and ask for forgiveness in person. And not just 'Hey, sorry, see ya' – you need to actually mean it.

But some people aren't willing to accept an apology, no matter how honest it is. They have been hurt too badly, and are too resentful, and there is nothing you can do to change that.
It's not wrong, it's just human nature. Some people cannot forgive some sins.
But the Halacha (Jewish law) realises that this is unfair for the person who is trying to atone... why should you go to hell, if you truly regret what you have done, and want to make up for it?
So you get three tries. If you have asked the people you've wronged for forgiveness, truthfully and unreservedly, not just to get off the hook, and they still refuse to accept it, the sin is off you, because you've tried. If they refuse to believe you, even though you were being honest, it's not your fault, anymore.



...
Maybe if I were observant, I could find consolation in this.
As it is, I still feel bad.

*sigh*
I just don't know what to do, anymore.

This seems such a healthy holiday... I wish I had the strenght to ask forgiveness too. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I am too ashamed.

I think you could find consolation! It seems a kind system - you are allowed to stop blaming yourself, and the fact that the other person still puts blame on you is her problem now, not yours. In theory... You make peace with yourself for trying to make peace with your neighbour. You can't force others feelings, but you can open the way for them to change mindset. Hmm. I'm rambling. But I want to hug you for posting this.

>>her problem now, not yours<<


Who are we talking about now, then? *Clicks pen* Vould you like to talk about your mozer in law?

Oh, and .

hehe...
*lies down on couch*

Now, you see... well. Yes. I should. But can I also ask her to apologise??? No? Hrmmm. I think when I next meet her should be soon enough. No? I should call???? But but but...

*bounces off*

YOur turn!

*pushes in*

..and then.. Of course it was.. So we still don't

Did you know he..??


This couch is comfy

I am ignorant of whatever this is about but I do know this... and it's one of the very few things I do know even though I find it hard to remember sometimes myself.

No one is responsible for your feelings but yourself.
No one can make you feel any way unless you allow them to.
You must allow them to have that kind of control of your emotions for it to be so.

Most of us live our lives giving that control away without ever realising it is ours and so sometimes it's difficult to take it back.

Offence has to be taken as well as given. Sometimes someone takes offence when none was intended.
Sometimes people relish the thought of the power they have over someone who is trying to make amends.

I'm involved with a group which made a big decision to change. It was put to the vote and 80% or more voted for the change. We then had problems with one of the minority sending complaining letters - mainly because they disagreed with the decision. I was trying to gently answer their points but found out that everything I said (wrote) added to their need to complain more.

I was really stuck until someone said, "What is it that she wants? What will make amends for her?"

I realised that that was the question I hadn't asked. I was feeling bad about someone being upset and was pandering to their growing sense of power at having all of my attention (and several other people's).

I like the theology of trying very hard but if you don't succeed then trying was enough. We do give power to the aggrieved party and in a sense - if you believe in sin - they start to use their position to sin against you. Stopping trying may help them to stop sinning too, in a strange way.

I have a way of looking at life(one of many)I treat all insults as compliments!,that way I get more(and it also bugs the person trying to insult me, when I accept it with a smile)

I'm only vaguely aware of what you're referring to, but we all know perfectly well that you're probably the most 'mostly harmless' person on hootoo. Maybe time will help the offended. Until then, try not to let it get to you.

Prof. A. Chaos - I will try to remember that tactic! I should get millions of compliments that way!

I keep a little fridge magnet in my office:
"Love thine enemy. It will drive him crazy." - Kenji Ota -

NOt that I remember that one either when I'm upset...

Milla, I used to have a badge saying "it's a beautiful day, now watch some (dtaabrs) louse it up!"

insults to me, are like water off a ducks back, when someone says "you little etc etc" I reply, your getting personal, your calling me little!. They stand open mouthed, lost, because I did not bite at the main insult word/s

Hey,

Thanks for posting everyone. Been an interesting read.
Just wanted to say, in reply to CZ and Vesty, that this wasn't the case here. I don't believe anyone tried to gain power here; people have been genuinely upset.
In fact, I have made them so upset, that they've decided to keep off h2g2. So I'm feeling quite guilty about that.

'Put it all behind you' is easier said than done.

Lady P, from the time, on hootoo, that I have known you, I found that you always speak the truth, my full respect on that.
so! what ever happened, I ask you to put it behind you.
I find that the truth can hurt sometimes, but still has to be said(in true friendship)

And sometimes, Yael, you'll find that people who call you "friend" will turn on you, due to various things. Been there, done that... though I'd rather not discuss it here.

I'll be honest with you and admit that I kinda know the situation, because I saw a little of it on a thread to which I was subscribed. I unsubbed because of it. Because someone was hurt by something you said, something you did, or as in my personal experience, angry just because of who or what you are, does not make you insensitive.

Perhaps it will all blow over and everything will sort itself out. If not, so be it. Either way, please don't beat yourself up about it.

And it looks like I'd better get myself in gear and get these post cards mailed to you before you start heading over this way. Wave when you fly over Chicago, OK?

Oh, I also wanted to leave you with my email address, as I'm keeping my postings here to existing convos, friends' journals, and occasional music/film/computer-related queries and comments.

Feel free to drop a line any old time to wyrdsister23 at hotmail dot com.

I'll write you, sometime. Thanks.

I hope you do. I like you very much, and having made your acquaintance here has meant a lot to me.

Postcard(s) will be in the mail by next weekend- and possibly another CD.

Take care, Yael.