h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So you were still snoring your head off then?

Of course, I can't be leaving any mess.

Thanks I feel much better now.

How's you today?

I was snoring my head off until 10 minutes ago. It's really not healthy to sleep for thst long...

I'm goood, hows you this halfternoon?

I'm well too.

Lurked anything?

I'll change that to hevening.

Just some of g's old journals and some old Quincy stuff. What you been up to Legs?

Nah, it's still afternoon.

A bit of housework.

So are you still with us?

It's not halfternoon though.

That's not so bad. How are you anyway?

Yep, the axe hasn't fallen yet.

You're right. You are up early.

It is when it involves silicon and drills.

I'm ok, a little hungover though. It's a friends birthday today so we had a few bevvies to celebrate last night.

So how's you and what have you been up to?

Phew. Have you been in touch trying to sort it with them?

It's really starting to get ridiculous.

Sounds like a party to me. Damp-proofing?

Aww you will drink too much. I got stoned and had a marathon lurk, but I can't remember what I lurked for 5 hours.

They're going to ask for an immediate payment of at least part of the bill, and I ain't got any money, so nopes.

What is? Your sleep patterns?

If only. Nah, water-proofing the shower and shelves.

Well that's the idea. So a good night then.

Yep, they probably will, but if you say you intend to pay it can they cut you off?

Yep, I'm back in Jerry Springer mode.

Well, you had a party after. Ooh, nice tube of silicon sealant never goes wrong.

Yep, twas a laugh, just remembered I read a boaby.

I've already told them I'll pay within two weeks. I could borrow I suppose, but from who?

What's Jerry Springer mode?

Not really a party, just an sesh. The last one lasted about three weeks before going mouldy.

Was it one of yours?

I thought you had some loans to call in?

The unemployment sleep-pattern, up late enough for Jerry on ITV and awake just in time for the afternoon talk-shows. It worked in '99.

A good 'un though? Do you sing when you're drunk? Do you mean it went mouldy in the tube or where you'd used it?

I think it was more yours.

From Babs, like I'm ever seeing that again.

I suppose that's a good thing, if you're really into your talk-shows. What happened in '99?

It was ok, nothing to write home about. No, I just tell really bad jokes really badly. It went mouldy all around the shower screen I put up, it's starting to climb now. Just cheap silicone I expect.

As if I'd expect any different.

Yep, that's a lost cause.Is Babs working then?

[Getting server errors and TW errors now.]

I'm not, although I'll never forget my first Jerry. In 99 they showed springer two times a day, every day.

How badly? I sing and tap-dance badly. Did you buy a builders grade one or a customer friendly one? If the smell knocks you out it's normally half-decent.

Found an interesting fact about you.

She's on a skillseekers thing, so working but not really getting paid.

Playing dead again with me.

Which one the American or the dire British one? Ah, yes I remember. ITV the home of quality T.V.

Very badly. I don't have the voice for singing. Just a cheapo one from a shop. I've got some decent stuff now though.

You did? So are you going to torment me with it or are you going to tell?

Ah, so slave labour then? Is that where they train you up for a couple of years and then get someone else in when your course is over?

Huh!

The American one, the first one I saw _was_ good. You can't complain, it's free.

Same kind of jokes you send me? I do, apparently, got it from my Da. You'd be amazed at the things you can do with silicon sealant.

Torment.

Yep. I walked out of a few in my youth.

The U-pages went blank.

I first saw it on "Tarrant on TV", the Nazi one. Funny how they never aired that one. Who can't?

Not *that* bad. Every bad plumbers life-saver.

I thought you might. Go ahead then.

Me too, they were called YTS in my day though.

I must have missed that.

Don't think I ever caught that one, the first I saw was a love-hexagon. I can't even complain about the BBC.

Gimme an example then and I'll judge. It's also quite a handy art material.

It's not that interesting. Is your hair still 4mm?

It had only just changed to Skillseekers when I started. £25 a week.

You were posting.

Sounds like it could be fun. I can, under a pseudonym.

I hate being put on the spot.

What's the one thing most men can keep up for days?


The toilet seat.

A for your girn. I like to keep my hair relatively short, yes. Is this going somewhere?

£25 a week? It was £29.50 when I was doing it.

Aye, that I was.

There was every sexual preference imaginable within said hexagon. I can plead insanity.

That was truly awful.

Thanks. How about a paper bag? Not really going anywhere, no. Fancy a haircut?

Bloody hell. I did get travelling expenses too. What were you 'training' in?